The Piasa Bird was a misunderstood mythical monster that is currently the mayor of Alton, Illinois. This creature has often had the stigma of being vicious due to Native American folklore, but in reality this could not be further from the truth. Recent historical and archeological evidence points to this creature as being one of the kindest and most generous of friends to humanity. Recent excavations show that the Piasa Bird was half bird, half fish, half reptile, and half mammal. It weighed over 300 tons. It had deer-like horns, HUGE wings, fire-breathing nostrils, talons the size of small yellow school busses, a socratesesque beard, a 75 meter long tail, and vampire fangs. Although these characteristics may come off as being those of a blood-thirsty beast that is not the case- the Piasa Bird was in fact the Native American equivalent of Santa Clause.
The chief went on top of the bluff only to find his 2 year-old daughter playing patty-cake patty-cake with the Piasa Bird.