A lurking troll that lives in between two pieces of astrolglide covered cardboard. It's (and I use that term lightly) location is not certain, however the last time spotted, it was glaring at a disabled child. The child later died that day. When born, they begged the parents to kill the thing before it swallows the world with it's ugliness, the parents agreed, and philip metz was thrown in the river at an age of 4 days. However, it survived, and now even attends school. It hasn't washed its hair since that day it fell in the river and is a member of the famed "colon squad". Recently, in 2001, philip metz was declared its own species, a piece of shit, scientists have yet to capture the creature to become aware of its unique genetic structure. Finally, the creature also lost it's penis in the womb, and therefore has earned the nickname "no penis".
parker: "Hey! look! It's Philip Metz!"
phillip metz: "Pythagreom Therom doesn't always work"