1) Keeping Cincinnati, Ohio on the map since 1972. The Reds and Bengals don't cut it.
2) Home of the world's longest woody: The Beast.
3) The only place in the world where you can ride Lara Croft.
4) Better than Cedar Point.
5) PKI Breaks records too damnit.
I went to Kings Island and realized it was better than Cedar Point after I rode the world's longest woody at night.
This is a theme park that is located about 20 miles Northeast of Cincinnati
. Quite popular in the area, it is common to act as a hub for the teens, young adults, and families, as well as the local obese, smokers, rednecks
, and white trash
. The obese, however, are the rejects of the rejects at Kings Island. I have witnessed several instances of our unhealthily overweight friends being denied passage on the roller coasters due to seat size, and possibly maximum weight capacities. Then, instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to exercise by walking around the theme park, severely fat people rent mobility scooters instead. Wow. The smokers merely set the general aroma that is often associated with King’s Island. Rednecks always capitalize the “Take a friend Tuesday” offer that comes with a Gold Season Pass Upgrade, usually in the form of purchasing an average of 5 passes per family, then going to P.K.I. with the whole family every Tuesday. As for the white trash, just imagine a combination of the last three groups of people. That’s right. A 300 pound, 45 year old woman waving around a cigarette, donning a two piece bathing suit. “Things that make you go buhuhuh”. How are the rides? Well, before you ride the Son Of Beast, or S.O.B., as I call it, make sure that you are: A- under 5 foot 6, B- purchase a personal hydraulic system for your seat, an...