Exit 4: A vast collection of redundant service-based establishments. Fast food and retail chains stretch for as far as the eye can see.
Exit 3: Possibly the only redeeming establishment in the entire place, Waffle Hut.
Downtown: A somewhat renovated array of historic buildings frequented by Paducah’s most annoying cross-section of residents. Here you’ll find a good number of delusional men and women who are under the impression that they’re affluent and have good taste. Downtown is mostly known for its propagation of an “artsy” image onto the naïve minds of would-be tourists who honestly believe they’ll find Paris’s Latin quarter in western KY. High priced restaurants abound and generally pull in a decent profit margin thanks to restless suburbanites who enjoy feeling refined. Downtown also houses a newly renovated district called lowertown. Once a trashy area known for its crime rate, the versed and cultured Paducans have now traded their modern weapons for modern art. Sologans include, “Paducah: Art, Rhythm, and Rivers” and “Lowertown: Still All of the Pain in the Ass, Now With Added Pretense.” In Paducah’s defense, the town does have a symphony orchestra, and the downtown district recently constructed new performing arts center. Unfortunately, these establishments are somewhat offset by the fact that Paducah’s highest educational institution is a community college.
Lone Oak Rd. (Exit 7): The exact same establishments as Exit 4, but with a road that combines the best aspects of failed city planning and Kentucky drivers. Chances of leaving this area of town without seeing a three-car pileup are roughly 25%.
The South Side: Currently holds the world record for density of used car dealerships per square mile.
Exit 11 and 16: These exit ramps were basically constructed just for the hell of it. Nothing is actually there.
"Oh. Me neither."
"I hear they're building ANOTHER church on Hwy. 60."
"Hey y'all! Hop on in the truck! We're gonna go see Larry the Cable guy at the performing arts center! Yeee-haw git-r-done!"