The New Joysee government is known for being incredibly corrupt. This has been a trend ever since Satan was elected as governor of the state in 1917 when he claimed that his opponent, Jesus, had once been issued the death penalty due to a recorded criminal record.

Today, the members of the New Joysee State Senate eat at least 5 children a day, and the Govenor generally eats at least 7, though one day he once ate 24 in one sitting, fulfilling a dare in a childish attempt to impress his wife.

"In all honesty, the government is run by the Mafia," reported an actual Jersey resident quote. Unfortunately the resident and the reporter went "missing" shortly thereafter.

New Joysee was the 41st state in the United States of America. The state slogan was "The Armpit of America!", now "The Fabulous Armpit State!". As of 10/01/07 the capitol is New Joysee City.

Created when the Old Joysee was cast beneath the sea by the god Poseidon, the City-State of New Joysee is a scientifically formulated mixture of cow cheese, old fashioned blue-collar values, and fungally festooned ferret felt, best enjoyed while enjoying romance under a full moon listening to muskrat love. In some mythologies, New Joysee is the land of Paradise, the Garden of Alden, even. However, such stories are generally believed only by hopelessly psychotic homeless people who wander the streets of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Note: Only fucking New Yorkers say New Joysee. New Jersey is a lot cleaner than other states because all of our trash is in Atlantic City, Trenton, Newark, Jersey City, and Camden where the gates of hell are located. In order to live in New Jersey One must be one of the folowing: Italian, Sicilian, Jewish, Irish, German, or Catholic, and Indians may live in central Jersey only. If you meet none of these standards, then you are to be wacked. Another little-known fact is that all people from New Jersey know where Jimmy Hoffa is, who killed Kennedy, where to get a good meal at three in the morning, and where to get drugs. New Jersey is divided into the north and the south. The North is the land of polution and crime and the south is farms, trees, the shore, and a dumping spot for bodies. All people in New Jersey live in fear of three things: the mafia, the Jersey Devil, and car insurance. All New Jersey residents would also like to close down Olive Garden because they cannot make gravy for crap. South Jersey people also know how Mexicans fit twenty people into the front cab of a truck, because they have done it with them. New Jersey residents also have been to every business shown on the Sopranos. The only way New Jersey residents are able to survive the taxes is through their Mafia connections, placing a tax burden on the medagons who should get the fuck out of New Jersey. Another little- known fact is that in Vineland (pronounced vine-lin) black people are some of the best members of the "clan". In order to become a resident of any shore town you need to "qatch the tram car, please". It is important also to mispronounce certain words, such as "woulder", the biggest debate in history. In "SJ" the Avenue is what it is all about. You also are required to live withen one half-hour of a mall, within 2 minutes of a Wawa, and within 500 yards of 20 Dunkin' Donuts locations.

According to Weird Al Yankovic, New Joysee sucks.

As of 1991, performing a left turn in an automobile at any given moment in New Joysee is prohibited, punishable by eighteen consecutive life sentences, being sent back in time 2 weeks by way of the Turnpike, and a make-over involving really, really big hair. The cars in New Joysee protested this law, and Christine Whitman, the local demon, jacked up car insurance rates in revenge. This is why auto insurance in New Joysee is so high.

Amongst the things to do in New Joysee:

Engage in self-loathing and general misanthropy
Sit in traffic
Curse your fellow man
Curse your government
Curse yourself
Suicide
Go to to see some shitty emo band
Pay tolls
Make a left turn using a jug-handle
Say the eighteen consecutive life sentences out loud and thus be freed (along with two Hail Marys and a Rama Ding Ding)
Circles in the road... that magically turn into triangles... which amazingly are harder to navigate than the circle.

New Joysee has a rich culture in the arts, including but not limited to strip clubs inhabited by middle aged strippers and men in trucker hats, and has been the birthplace of such hit motion picture masterpieces such as "Jersey Girl" and "Gigli".

Places in New Joysee include
Joysee City
Quahog
Los Chiyorkphigo
Geritolopolis, New Joysee
Metropolis
Leonardo
The Sunken Ruins of Old Joysee
South Jersey (not related)
The New Joysee Turnpike... a.k.a. "The Road from HELL!"
Edison, New Joysee
Moonachie, New Joysee
Your Mom
Newark, New Joysee
Kansas, New Joysee
Montvale, New Joysee
North Caldwell, which gets into endless sissy fights with the town of Your Mom.
The College of New Joysee
The Gates of Hell
Nick Sereda's house (The palace of dead cats).

New Joysee lost all of its sports teams to the non-existent New York. Thusly, the only sports team you will find in New Joysee is the New Joysee Turnpikers.

The New Joysee Turnpikers play right in the middle of exit 159 and 159b, right where that awful stench keeps happ'nin.

New Joysee is home to several species of tree.

New Joysee is also home to many musicians and people who pretend to be musicians, such as Bruce Springsteen, who despite all his riches still writes songs, and the tireless pedophile rights group and advocate for man-boy love and large hair, Bon Jovi. Les Claypool isn't from NJ but my mom thinks he is.

Bruce Willis, long rumored to possibly be some kind of actor, also hails from Hoboken, New Jersey, known for his roles in countless motion pictures where he expertly and tirelessly plays the same anti-hero bad-ass character over and over again and refuses to shave more than once a week.

The wild Indians of New Joysee populate many of the native conveniance stores and low-budget condos of joysee suberbs.

Um, don't forget Meryl Streep.

Other people include:
Amy Seymour
Gerard Way,the well known Mikey Jackson impersonater.

The following list of people have embarrassed the state of New Joysee beyond repair. The are no longer allowed to cross the border and come home for any reason.

Martha Stewart
Frank Sinatra
James McGreevy
Bruce Bedspring
Joe Piscopo
Kevin Spacey
Jack Nicholson
Dionne Warwick
Jerry Lewis
Whitney Houston
Judy Blume
The Menendez Brothers
Taking Back Sunday
Nathan Lane
(Okay, I'm kidding about the Menendez Brothers.)

Roads in New Joysee
Route 206, also known as the road that is always backed up is a popular favorite. Come and sit in traffic and marvel at how congested the road is!
Route 80, the road that goes all the way to California. Always backed up in the direction you are going in only. The other side is magically free of traffic.
Route 287 is another popular road. However, this road goes nowhere and does little of interest, so ignore it, please. Route 95 is a road that defies all logic in New Joysee. Notice the mile numbers. Notice how they randomly go up and down. Notice how if you are on I-95 North, somehow you end up on I-295 south and if you are on I-95 South you end up on I-295 North? If it isn't clear by now, I-95 in New Joysee was planned out by Hitler. Also in on the Route 295 Conspiracy is Route 130, which randomly joins with Route 295 in the southern area to try to have a four-way orgy with Route 40 and the New Joysee Turnpike at the Delaware Memorial Bridge.
Route 23 goes into New York. Literally, the only highway with nothing on it. Let's just avoid route 23.
Route 22 must be seen to be believed. It is actually a drive-thru megamall and boasts the highest daily accident rate of any road in the country. Also, a good road on which to hotbox while driving to Melody, Pennsylvania to buy relatively cheap cartons of cigarettes... or in the either direction towards... Route 1-9 and the ensuing Pulaski skyway, the central vein of the armpit, deep within the 'Joisey Smell' zone proper. This will bring you quickly within sight of the signs for the Holland Tunnel, where you will sit in traffic for exactly long enough to miss whatever it was for which you wanted to enter New York/escape Joisey. It's generally a good idea to bring along some food, water, and a container suitable for the deposit and storage of bodily waste, when one is daring enough to try this route.
Route 666 goes through the Pinebarrens. An area which if lost you could go for days without encountering a single sign of human life, drive past the gates of hell, and be killed by the Jersey Devil.
Route 40 is known for constantly being in construction when it never really needed it in the first place. Why they felt the need to make it wider will forever be a mystery. The constant construction is attributed to the workers ripping up the roads and then being wacked before they are able to complete the job.
"Wait a tick. They have a NEW Jersey now?"

"Joysee girls ain't trash... trash gets picked up!"

"A really lovely state, very convenient, to the south of Hell."
by Phayte January 01, 2007

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Ahhh .. New Jersey .. you just gotta love it. I grew up in South Jersey .. where the typical Friday & Saturday night parties started in a peach orchard and ended in a diner. If there was nothing left to do .. we'd drive down the shore knowing that there was definitely something to occupy us there. Then drive back in the middle of the night dodging the deer on 55 or Delsea Drive. Us South Jersians never drove on the expressway or parkway .. it was either 55 or Delsea. If you're from South Jersey, you know what Heritages is .. and you know what 1/2 price hoagie day was. You know that 15 years ago it was safe to be in Camden during the day .. but NOT at night .. now you know that it's not safe to be in Camden period. You most likely sat in a classroom before summer vacation .. with the windows open and the warm fresh smell of horse maneur lurking in the room. You know about the NJ devil and you often thought about him while peeing in the woods at night .. c'mon .. you know you did! You know that Cheese Whiz on a cheesesteak is totally UNACCEPTABLE .. it's either american cheese or provolone. We say Woo-der .. not Waa-der. We also say Raa-diatior .. not Ray-diator. We also say Crick .. not Creek (Mantua Crick). Yo is a great attention getter ... and yous guys is our trademark. You can take me outta NJ .. but you can't take the NJ outta me!
Outta Staters in a Circle: "oh my god, how do you drive around one of these? I guess I'll just slam on my brakes and wait here until all these cars are done flying by me"

Jersian in the Cirlce behind the Outta Staters: "You fuckin incompetant shit! Just fuckin go! You don't stop in a circle you fuckhead!"
by hoagie_girl July 12, 2005

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A common misconception of residents in New Jersey is the individuals on the Jersey Shore. People in New Jersey are commonly stereotyped as steroid poppin', hair spiked, orange douche-bags or for women extensions in hair, fake long nails, orange bitches. To your surprise, people from New Jersey happen to be normal human beings. The only areas with the New Jersey stereotype are in the Jersey Shore and most of those people are from New York or Philadelphia. The people who are from New Jersey and follow the stereotype are despised by the normal folk in New Jersey. Most of us do not speak with an accent, do not say "Joisey", pronounce the words "dog" and "talk" properly and are completely aware there is not a "w" in either of those words. If you do your research you will find that most of the people on the MTV reality show "Jersey Shore" are from New York. Trust me, whenever we see that New Jersey stereotype we too despise him and classify he/she as "Douche". To sum this all up, the stereotype is false. We are normal people. The only people who follow the stereotype are New Yorkers, Philadelphians, and the common anus.
- I have lived in New Jersey my entire life.

Person #1: I'm from New Jersey.
Person #2: No you're not!
Person #1: Yes I am...
Person #2: No, if you were you would have an accent and say "Joisey" HAHAHAHAHAH!
Person #1: Die, away from me...

Stereotype: Douche
by Kevin696969 January 02, 2011

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no, it is not dirty, nor do we say joisey. but no one here should lie and say we dont have lots of malls or live off of an exit of the highway, we all do. jersey girlos DONT have big hair or look like trash. we have awesome emo and punk bands, many local, which are the best kind. so please, if youre gonna criticize jersey, at least make snese, oh and make sure your state isnt worse. most are.
person from midwest: oh youre from jersey? you must be dirty, im sorry.
jersey person: yeah, well at least i dont smell like cows, and i know what a building taller than 2 stories looks like!
by im from jersey, so what? April 28, 2005

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A radioactive wasteland you may mistakenly find yourself should you be visiting New York. If you end up here it likely means you accidentally entered the on ramp for the Lincoln Tunnel. Either that or you're trying to get to Pennsylvania or all other points west.

The inhabitants of North Jersey are orange-skinned freaks who speak a bastardized pastiche of English, Italian, and Ebonics and who eke out meager livings selling drugs and extorting local businesses for protection money. The inhabitants of South Jersey are cannibalistic subhuman swamp people who live in mud huts deep in the wilderness of the Pine Barrens. They will rape and then devour the unfortunate soul who wanders into their domain and search his remains for money to use on the slots in Atlantic City, their only potential source of income.
Shit, we're in New Jersey. Don't panic, just keep the windows rolled up and the doors locked.
by Hubert Cumberdale Jr. March 21, 2010

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common misconceptions:
#1: new jersey is an industrial dump
while its true we have industry, its only near the border, we keep the inside nice and awsome , the industry just keeps the evil newyorkers and pennsylvanians from getting in
#2: we say joisey
no, only new yorkers drop the "new" and forget the "r"
#3 we are all poor and ugly
wrong agian, new jersey is wealthy, and has some of the finest ass around,
man: oh your from new jersey, what exit? HAHAH

NJ dude:..... at least im smart enough to know how a car works

man: im gonna go run into a pole now
by radioboy2422 May 29, 2005

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we don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. we say fuck you to everything. we are the best state in the coutry and we let everyone know it. Cawfee , pizza , boardwalk subs and cheese fries are life. The highest paid teachers in the country and the top 5 in education every year. There's two parts Dirty Jersey and South Jersey. you know where your from by the girls.we dont have a professional baseball team but we take the yankees in like they're are own. yes, we take ownership of both new york football teams that play in new jersey....and the devils they rock!
Texan: Fuck you im from texas
New Jersian: Bitch fuck you im from jersey

New Jersey is the only place in the country to live.
by DerrtyJerzee201 December 07, 2007

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The illest, most hardcore state in America. The ghettos are the most ghettoy in the world and the rich parts are the richest in the world. North Jersey is the car jacking capital of the world, with Newark having more car jackings than NYC and LA combined. New Jersey is also home to some of the richest counties in the country, such as Hunterdon Country, Somerset County, Morris County, and Bergen County.

In short New Jersey goes harder than any other state
Non-New Jerseyian: "hey man whats it like to like in shitty JOISEY hehehe"

New Jerseyian: Ya know what mutherfucker, get out da car, it's mine now
by illmatic1492 August 25, 2009

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