Even more pitiful than the police who ride around in their cruisers searching for teenagers to harass while they ignore the real threat - braindead trophy wives driving on their cell phones - are the "Bike Patrol Corps." Yes, New Canaan Police have their very own BIKE SQUAD. Consisting of the cops that were too much of an embarrassment even on standard traffic duty, the Bike Patrol cops endure a 2 week training course the police themselves describe as "RIGOROUS" to become bike cops. Requirements for admission to the bike corps include the following...
-The balls to wear short-shorts over your gelatinous, hairy legs
-The ability to ride a bike without training wheels
-Total lack of self-esteem
Guy 2: No, what's up?
Guy 1: He crashed his police cruiser twice while pursuing teenagers who were on foot, so they put him on bike duty. As a bike cop, a couple of teenagers switched the brakes on his bike. He was riding towards an old lady when he tried to slam on his back brake, but because they had been switched he hit the front brake, flipped over and radioed in "officer down."
Guy 2: No, you're kidding.
Guy 1: I shit you not. So, now they've got him on the night shift as bike patrol. If you want to see him, hang around Elm Street between midnight and 5am to catch him on his normal patrol route.
Guy 2: Wow, what a complete and utter disgrace to real police officers and departments everywhere.