Older neds are called "Mad Tramps" or "Smelly Bastards" wear track-suits, white trainers, smoke roll-ups made with Drum tobacco and think its right the state foot the bill for their inability to earn wages because they are too stupid to even count their own fingers, barely able to make the toilet, yet could cover 100m faster than Usain Bolt to catch an ice cream van for "a boatle o ginger", Drum rolling tobacco and/or 20 Mayfair, a powercard and a 20lb bag of boiled sugar for their 8 month old "wean" for his dinner.
Smoke anything if it was brown, even shite if someone called it hash. And if they are not buying it, they are selling it instead.
Neds houses all appear to be decorated and furnished by the same person also (??) and are filled with, either stolen things or cheap tat, bought with ten-thousand billion percent hire purchase from Shitehouse and a stereo with only cd's of smurf-sounding rave music blasting, or Pink Floyd for the more cultured ned. Ugly, fat and pishy smelling at worst and avoidable at best.
Wooster: Gadzooks! Why not, Jeeves my good man?
Jeeves: Because there was a roudy-rabble of rather inhebriated neds talking to me in the queue, one can only presume the door fellow assumed me as their companion.
"Am gonny chib you ya dafty ! "
" ... Fleeto numba wan , runnin the show ! "
Pastimes include beating up strangers, meeting their parole officer and drinking afore-mentioned cider or buckie.
Generally attired in fake burberry cap tilted skywards, trackie bottoms tucked into football socks and a variety of fake gold "sovvies". In the case of the female of the species, this is accessorised by a roll of fat cut in two by a high-rise thong, 17 fake gold hoops in each ear and a screaming, ugly toddler to which she gave birth at the age of 13.
Favourite phrases include 'awrite, ya bam', 'Ah'm gonnae kick yer cunt in' and 'are youse lookin' fur a fight?'
the female: either very fat or very thin, face that has been plastered with a brand of foundation that has been produced from the tango factory, wearing very little clothes that show off the eight month old bump, wearing three or more fake gold rings on every finger, at least two 3" thick chains sportin someone elses name and usually found on the end of a male neds cock.
similarities: are usually found standing on random street corners drinking cheap alcohol called buckfast or md 20-20, every second word is fuck or some other random word that is intended to offened but no one knows what it means