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1.
May 28th is National Fap Day. It's like an annual casual dress day for sex and masturbation. It's for fun. Go all out and make a day of it. Tell your friends you can't hang out (unless you're into that group stuff). They should be celebrating anyway so there should be no problem or question as to why plans should not be made. Call in sick, chances are your boss is doing it at work and wants the privacy.
Earl "Yo, Richard said the party's moved to Friday. Cuz it's National Fap Day."

Andrew "Last year got awkward when that black dude made eye contact w me."

"Sex tonight, hun?" "You know it's National Fap Day, babe. Let's just fap together after dinner."

"Bill's been in the shower since 7 celebrating National Fap Day"

"I haven't seen Parker all day." "Probably celebrating National Fap Day."

"You got any plans for Friday?" "Yeah man, National Fap Day, going all out. Might even pull a Carradine"

Most Interesting Man in the World, "I don't always Fap, but when I do, I do it on National Fap Day"
by The Fapadelics December 28, 2012