dick ,used2 be fat,idiot,doofass,dumfuck,shithead...once one always one. He is a swimmer, and he preferably lives in florida, although that is not required. to be a michael whitehead, you must
1.] PMS like a bitch. even though you are a hot man.
2.] treat the girl you secretly like but would never admit it like shitt.
3.] be incredibly hot, but previously fat.
4.] come off as a nice guy, when you are really a conniving dickface.
5.] break the only girl to ever probably truly understand you's heart.
6.] be a really skilled swimmer and sailer.
7.] be a liar. and have no balls when it comes to doing stuff about girls.
and lastly, always be a dick. if you are not a dick, then you are not michael whitehead. he is the john tucker of florida. if you see a michael whitehead, don't run. don't call molesters anonymous. instead, flirt. shamelessly. and then break his heart. you will be glad you did ;] he is one that does not let go easily, so make sure he's hooked.
mom: OH SHIIITTT. run.
Teenage girl: Hey babe wink wink
Michael Whitehead: Hey hot stuff.
Teenage girl : thinking I'll make him wish he were deaddd. (: