Oh, that explains your black eye.
He covers up his huge gayness by saying he will kill things with a giant battle axe. But everyone one knows the giant battle axe stands for his penis and him killing people is really just sticking his dick into a mans ass
Matt: "No im okay. I think I'll just finger my.... i mean massacre a small village with my giant battle axe."
Me: "Okay man have fun with that...."
Nate: yeah! That was matt. Always thunking hes cool