The act of self stimulation by stroking, rubbing, or pulling your genitals. Men usually rub, sometimes women will buy dildos or finger themselves. Masturbation can result in ejaculation if the person is stimulated enough. Men/women usually perform this act when intercourse is not an option.
For people with small brains:Masturbation is touching your penis to make it feel good, or for women sticking their fingers in their vaginas.
Guy 1:Sheila is too tired to have sex, and I'm bored.
Guy 2:Why don't you try masturbation?
Guy 1:Isn't that for complete losers?
Guy 2:No dude, it's completely normal and healthy.
Guy 1:I might try it, then.
by Maximizer August 05, 2012
The act of touching yourself
Some people say masturbation is bad for you but really, it is harmless and in some ways healthy.
by Newworldchic May 30, 2013
The common act of one who touches oneself to produce a pleasuring feeling in the groin area which almost always ends up in ejaculation. This is accomplished with the help of some form of visual or audio stimulation or just plain imagination.
beating off; harping on the cyclops; unmasking the self serve pump; launching the meat missile; whacking the flesh flute; Masturbation;


Person 1: Dude, Sheldon masturbates 9times a day..
Me: dude.. hes gonna have alot of kids..


Person 1: Hey, what are you doing later?
Person 2: I figure I'll masturbate til I pass out.


Person 1: Dude.. Sheldon is in the hospital.
Person 2: How the ??
Person 1: Yeah, turns out he ejaculated until his actual testicles came out
Person 2: Well, I guess that's what 9 times a day got the horny bastard.
by Risown November 10, 2008
a handshake with yourself
Dick is satisfied with his boss, because of the firm and warm masturbation.
by Natsu February 22, 2006
Playing with your genitals while thinking of a tractor.
Masturbation...on the farm...success.
by Curiousss June 08, 2009
A friendly reminder that ur still single
"Hey Joe, are you going to perform masturbation today?"

Joe: "Well im not getting much action, so fuck it ill wax my carrot!"
by Captain NippleFuzz February 17, 2009
The act of self (sexual) pleasure. Used by those who: 1) are too ugly to have real sex. 2) Those who wish to discover their bodies can still produce bodily fluids. 3) Wish to fantasize/remember mummy, daddy, brother, sister (any family relative) coming into their room late at night and doing things to them they've been told never to tell anyone about. 4) An art used by dirty old men to show the young girls watching that he really loves them. 5) What men do when they're horny but their wives/girlfriends/boyfriends aren't. 6) What women do when they're horny but their husband's/boyfriends/girlfriends aren't
"Sorry darling, I didn't mean for you to catch me masturbating in front of your sister, but I think it's only right I teach her about masturbation"

"I do apologise Officer, but I think the woman is so attractive, I had to show my love for her through masturbation"

"No, my friend, I wouldn't worry that you caught your wife in the act of masturbation. She once said that she thinks about me when she masturbates"
by Dr Phew August 14, 2011

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