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24.
The use of improvisational means to obtain sexual gratification in the absence of a partner.

Because the word "masturbation" sounds kind of boring, people have come up with an absurd amount of euphemisms for what is essentially sex without a partner.
I tried to look up "masturbation" on UD, but the constant use of euphemisms and the lack of a real definition drove me crazy.
by Anonymous debunker of myths October 16, 2009
 
1.
The act of touching oneself to produce a favorable feeling in the groin area. Usually accompanied by some sort of mental, visual, or audio stimulation to assist in reaching climax.

jerking off; spit-shining the old water pump; waxing the brass candlestick; beating off; playing cards with only one hand on the table; riding the quarter-horse; joining the mile-high club, solo-aviator division; giving in to the hand police; self-actualization; fully realizing your potential
No honey, I don't want to tonight, I'm tired from watching Oprah. Why don't you just go masturbate?

That dumb broad got me all worked up and left me; so I had to spit-shine the old water pump manually if ya know what I mean.

Sometimes, when I wake up, I have an erection, so I have to beat off until it goes away. Sometimes, it comes back so I beat off again until it goes away. Once, it kept coming back so I just chopped it off. It hurt bad.
by jeffro February 25, 2003
 
2.
Mass murder of millions of tiny defenseless sperm.
If hitler was into masturbation instead of murder all the millions of deaths would not upset the world.
by Michael............... March 23, 2006
 
3.
The act of sexualy pleasing oneself, usually to orgasm.
Masturbation is the best exercise I get all day!
by Nick November 10, 2002
 
4.
Manual stimulation of the penis of vagina to produce a stimulation simular to actual penetration by a member of the opposite sex.

It's something most of us have been caught doing, never admit to doing, and know full well that everyone else does.
Woody Allen: "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone that I love."
by fetusboy September 16, 2005
 
5.
"Practise sex"
If masturbation were a sport, I'd be a jock.
by LORD HELL FEAR BLOOD March 16, 2003
 
6.
something guys cannot get out of habbit.
Time for my daily jerk!
 
7.
Playing solo on one's organs.
by Anonymous March 09, 2003