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Sex with someone I love.
- Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.

Woody Allen in Annie Hall, 1977
by mandingoe November 07, 2005
560 274
Masturbation is the sexual stimulation sport of one's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed using the hands, fingers, everyday objects, or dedicated sex toys.

Male masturbation techniques are influenced by a number of factors and personal preferences. Techniques may also differ between males who have been circumcised and those who have not. Some techniques which may work for one individual can be difficult or uncomfortable for another.

The most common male masturbation technique is simply to hold the penis with a loose fist and then to move the hand up and down the shaft. This type of stimulation is typically all that is required to achieve orgasm and ejaculation. The speed of the hand motion will vary from person to person, although it is not uncommon for the speed to increase as ejaculation nears and for it to decrease during the ejaculation itself.
It was gym class, and our gym teacher, a midriff baring coach named Jamie, wanted us to do some masturbation exercises. We all took off our clothes, including me. As we lied down on the gym floor naked, my penis began to relax, sway back and forth, and stiffen. Until finally, it got a powerful erection sticking straight up. Then, Jamie handed us some small balls to balance on our penises, similar to a sea lion balancing a beach ball on its snout. Then, Jamie stated to count down from ten to zero. Once she reached zero, she blew her whistle and my penis threw back its head, released the ball, and I began masturbating it. It felt so good. I gritted my teeth as Jamie continued blowing her whistle at me. My penis became coated with precum. The more Jamie blew her whistle, the more harder I masturbated. I started feeling my orgasm build up with every second. My member felt swollen and heavy as his load built up in the head. The other naked boys gathered around Coach Jamie as I finally let out a deep moan like a sea lion. And my hard-on ejaculated a flow of hot white semen that splashed against the floor. My penis bobbed up and down as a few more spurts of semen shot out, then slumped down into my lap. Then, the class cheered and Jamie blew her whistle as I opened my eyes and looked around. I stood up slowly, and Jamie gave me a gold medal for "Being the Best at Masturbation." Then, she gave me a towel so I can wipe off the semen from my penis and the floor.
by VBruno January 05, 2014
4 1
The act of self stimulation by stroking, rubbing, or pulling your genitals. Men usually rub, sometimes women will buy dildos or finger themselves. Masturbation can result in ejaculation if the person is stimulated enough. Men/women usually perform this act when intercourse is not an option.
For people with small brains:Masturbation is touching your penis to make it feel good, or for women sticking their fingers in their vaginas.
Guy 1:Sheila is too tired to have sex, and I'm bored.
Guy 2:Why don't you try masturbation?
Guy 1:Isn't that for complete losers?
Guy 2:No dude, it's completely normal and healthy.
Guy 1:I might try it, then.
by Maximizer August 05, 2012
6 3
The act of touching yourself
Some people say masturbation is bad for you but really, it is harmless and in some ways healthy.
by Newworldchic May 30, 2013
2 1
a handshake with yourself
Dick is satisfied with his boss, because of the firm and warm masturbation.
by Natsu February 22, 2006
92 99
The act of self (sexual) pleasure. Used by those who: 1) are too ugly to have real sex. 2) Those who wish to discover their bodies can still produce bodily fluids. 3) Wish to fantasize/remember mummy, daddy, brother, sister (any family relative) coming into their room late at night and doing things to them they've been told never to tell anyone about. 4) An art used by dirty old men to show the young girls watching that he really loves them. 5) What men do when they're horny but their wives/girlfriends/boyfriends aren't. 6) What women do when they're horny but their husband's/boyfriends/girlfriends aren't
"Sorry darling, I didn't mean for you to catch me masturbating in front of your sister, but I think it's only right I teach her about masturbation"

"I do apologise Officer, but I think the woman is so attractive, I had to show my love for her through masturbation"

"No, my friend, I wouldn't worry that you caught your wife in the act of masturbation. She once said that she thinks about me when she masturbates"
by Dr Phew August 14, 2011
6 17
Playing with your genitals while thinking of a tractor.
Masturbation...on the farm...success.
by Curiousss June 08, 2009
41 52
A friendly reminder that ur still single
"Hey Joe, are you going to perform masturbation today?"

Joe: "Well im not getting much action, so fuck it ill wax my carrot!"
by Captain NippleFuzz February 17, 2009
28 39