Massapequa: Never will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Massapequa is an inferno of physical and psychological torture, a haven for overt and promiscuous sexuality, and a harbor for everything illegal, immoral, and incompetent. This god-forsaken place is a source of intrinsic evil, and has been classified into the following categories: 1. Social Anarchy and Stereotypical transformations 2. Academic Inadequacy 3. Overt Sexual activity 4. Incomparable drug use

1. Social Anarchy: Probably the most palpable problem with Massapequa. Massapequa is plagued by ethnic stereotypes( commonly represented by clothing and diction). These upper-middle class white kids like to misrepresent themselves in this atrocious fabrication of their actual lifestyles. This false lifestyle is evident in the "wigger." Then, once one gets past the visible barbarity of these people, one can also see the social schisms within each grade. Jocks( lax, football), emos, goths, preppies, musicians, and the geeks( an outdated term I like to replace with the "awkward intellectual"). The cliques are divided and are in constant yet silent warfare. However, those abominations carry into private sector , not just within the school and public life. The places to hangout are few and far between, namely the Seaford Movie Theater, the Southgate shopping center, "in-Town", and the public parks. This results in illegal activity, more commonly vandalism and underage drinking( an immense category in which I will devout more analysis to later). Another aspect of social anarchy in Massapequa is the overemphasis of youth athletics. This is composed of parents who are trying to live vicariously through their own children. The cult of youth athletics is manifested in CYO basketball, travel football, and lax.

2. Academic inadequacies: The vast and incompetent school district is incapable of a variety of tasks including the safety of their students and faculty, the instillment of discipline and respect, the enforcement of school rules, and the basic principles of teaching amongst their faculty. One of the causes for these problems is the large number of students in massapequa. The school district can't protect their teachers (ie: Berner librarian mugged) . The students have little to no respect for their teachers, but these teachers are so unenthusiastic in their pathetic excuses for professions that they don't deserve respect. Also, the school authority's attempt to limit drug use is comical. For example, at Berner the seventh graders were shooting heroine as the eighth graders were freebasing cocaine in the school bathrooms. Although I cannot comment on descriptions of "The High school", I can confirm from reliable first hand accounts that it is nothing more than a legalized playground with pretenses of education.

3. Overt Sexuality: Hedonism is anchored in Massapequa. Sexual activity is promoted and promulgated through all levels of this society. STD's are more widespread than their complete indifference for moral standards. Because of a lack of any interests or hobbies, their boredom in school is where their appetite for fornication is manifested.

4. Incomparable Drug Use: Drinking and Drugs are used wildly in Massapequa. As early as 7th grade, drinking and drugs become an integral factor in a Massapequan's lifestyle. Who cares what we're drinking, cause it gives us a distraction from our meaningless suburban lives! I hereby decree Massapequa as the Beer Pong Capital of the World, and I find it too funny that some of you will take that as a compliment.

In conclusion, I would like to spare the few people of Massapequa who have retained a shred of decency in this hell infested with corruption and fault. To those who have overcome the veil of degradation seen in Massapequa, Stay Strong! And may All American continue to sell the world's best fast food for many years to come.

"To determine the winner of this football game, let's have your loudest parent yell at our loudest parent, and who ever is the loudest wins," says the Massapequa parent.

"let's see how many STD's I can get this weekend bro"

"Let's see how many beers I can chug before I'm hospitalized."

by Noah Garibaldi February 01, 2009
Top Definition
A relatively large Long Island town located nicely between Amityville and Seaford; Comprised of Massapequa, Massapequa Park, North Massapequa, and probably every other compass direction.
Massapequa is notoriously known for its vast population of Jews and Italians, as well as for its ambiguous school district. The wacky and wonderful District 23 is just marvelous at first glance, but only a true Massapequan knowns what really dwells within the depths of the shadows.
Citizens associate the LIRR tracks with the 'good' and 'bad' sides of this town - those who live South of the tracks are generally wealthy and can't be bothered with the poor kids who live North of the tracks. Of course, this is all quite stereotypical.
Where there's a mall, there's a huge pile of teenage girls flocking to it. Most of them are sluts. Sunrise Mall, one of the most repulsive malls in Long Island, is home to stores that only seem to appeal to a certain ethnic background. Of course, that doesn't bother most of Massapequa, being as the trend these days is to walk around pretending as though you are of a different race. Other social trends include emo-ism, preppy-ism, wiggerish-ism, and punky-ism.
If slutty girls, posers, crap malls, nasty stereotypes, unfaithful book-burning schools and houses that price $400,000 + are for you, then come on down to Massapequa!

Also see slut, wigger, poser, soccer mom, and marsupial.

P.S - The next time you wanna add a definition to Massapequa, click 'add definition,' not 're-define,' you turds - you totally wiped out my last attempt at defining this Hell hole =)
"Hey, Bernice! Did you just see that pregnant girl in Starbucks? She must've only been about 12 years old!"
"Why, yes I did, Hector. She must be one of those Massapequa kids!"


"We live in Massapequa, so it's okay to burn brand new textbooks for our students! The district ordered the wrong ones, anyway, and we can afford to lose the money. No returns necessary, but we're probably going to get auditted again."
by Ha ha - I got your nose! February 18, 2005
home of some of the best looking people in new york
wow massapequans are totally banging
by just another fine looking resident February 25, 2005
every1 from massapequa is better than fdalers
Pequa just killed fdale
by oot March 20, 2005
massapequa is the best town in nassau
massapequa beter than all towns
by oot July 09, 2005
Massapequa is a quaint town located on the south shore of Nassau County, Long Island, NY. It is considered by many to be the crown jewel of the Riviera of Long Island. Massapequa 'proper' includes: Massapequa hamlet, The village of Massapequa Park, North Massapequa and East Massapequa.

The Massapequa area is known for its well-kept homes, various amenities and large concentration of mid-to-upper middle class families.

From the tree-lined streets to the well-kept homes to the plethora of fine dining, waterfront homes, private beaches and shopping available, best schools on LI and beautiful parks, it is truly one of the nicest areas to live on Long Island. Massapequa has some of the best Schools in the entire country.

Birch Lane & East Lake Elementary are in the top 1 percentile in the state of NY.

Other prestigious blue-ribbon quality schools in the Massapequa Union Free School District #23 include:





Berner Middle School


Massapequa High School

These schools excel athletically and academically. Massapequa SD is known as the powerhouse district on LI when it comes to all sports. And equally excels Academically.
Massapequa is the crown jewel of Long Island.

Farmingdale will never be as great as Massapequa, sorry Dalers.
by rivvv January 16, 2011
A large town set right in the middle of the south shore on Long Island. True Massapeqians know that south of Merrick Rd. is where it's at. Home of the infamous All American Burger where MHS kids get there daily fix. And of course we can't forget the beautiful waterfront homes and awesome private beaches. To sum it up: Massapequa, the OC of Long Island. The place where the beach scene meets the suburbs. A town that sets standards, a place that knows where it's at!
We are heading out to Long Island today, maybe do some tubing, tanning...u know Massapequa style.
by MHS CHIEF March 03, 2005
A big rich town where the soccer mom's will ask the Mafia to whack the other team. for everything else look at the first definition, it's perfect
My daughter is on the Massapequa soccer team and she is the best ever!
by Jim March 23, 2005
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