It has a few thousand supporters in England, but the majority of its fans are the Chinese, Thais, Vietnamese and Laotian.
Several medical studies have conclusive proven that a large percentage of their fan base suffers from dementia, megalomania, delusions of grandeur, latent homosexual tendencies and irritable bowel syndrome.
Fan 2: "Manchester United is the greatest team in the universe"
Fan 3: "Gary Neville is the best looking male football player in all of creation"
Neutral Fan: "Manchester United are the second best team in England, the seventh best in Europe, and outside of the top ten in the world. Gary Neville makes Shane MacGowan look like George Clooney"
Their supporters all live in London, and they play their home fixtures in a theme park.
They sook because people sing about Munich, but are happy to sing about Arsene Wenger being a paedophile every time he goes there.
They fork out outrageous amounts of money for players who turn out not to be that good (Michael Carrick).
95% of their supporters live overseas and know jack shit about them, yet profess to a long-standing love of 'their team'
Their manager is the most pig-headed bastard to ever inhabit a technical area, who never sees an incident where a United player dives or does one of their typically scummy tackles, but is always prepared to get stuck right into other teams whenever someone gets tough on one of his players.
Typical Manchester United Fan 2:"I don't know, maybe he's the groundskeeper"
"Name another team that plays in the Premier League?"
Yet they seem to have one major contradiction - they want to sign any player under the sun (not signing a player courtesy of The Sun, as they usually do), yet don't want Malcolm Glazier and his money that would help them do so.
Ruud van Nistelrooy winning (another) dubious penalty.
Roy Keane trying to end Alfie Haaland's career.
The players chasing the ref around the pitch when they don't like his decision.
Alex Ferguson pointing to his watch for (even) more stoppage time when they're losing.
Another player from a small club being "unsettled" by the sports pages in The Sun, bullying their club into selling him (ie, Dwight Yorke, Louis Saha)
Manu fan: None but I did go to one in 1998 its a long way from Stratford
Football fan: Why do you support them then?
Manu fan: My Auntie went on a day trip to Salford in the 70s, did you hear on Sky Sports that the players are not going to be complacent this year
Football fan: Yes i was watching to see if there was any real football news about transfers and results but instead i was subjected to that big Scottish tomato face rambling on again I wish that tramp who battered him had finished him off.
person b: no, manchester united will win, they have the most expensive players and the best referees.