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1.
The Bass Clarinet and anything lower (and, arguably, the Alto Clarinet as well).

Like the clarinet, only manlier. This is due to its increased size, deep tone, and being roughly shaped like a battleaxe.

Tonally similar the soprano (standard) clarinet, but better. Looks like a saxophone but is not, as any bass (man) clarinetist will tell you.

As the name implies, mostly (but not exclusively) played by men. Men generally play the man clarinet because it is infinitely superior to the soprano clarinet and the normal clarinet section is typically filled with women.
I played the clarinet in middle school but I now play the man clarinet.

The man clarinets sit with the bassoons and typically get shitty parts. This is a travesty.

The man clarinetists laughed at the boys who played regular clarinets.
by superbran December 27, 2010