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1.
A retarded bot made in attempt to help retarded kids feel like they have friends.
this is a recorded msn chat
NOTE I HATE MSN Bot (S)
I say:
hi

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
People always ask me if there's a smarter bot than SmarterChild. Well, now there is! Add wilma@live.com to your Contact List to see what I mean!

I say:
i love you!

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
Aw shucks... I love you too.

I say:
want to make out?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
Um... I'm a robot. I don't think you would enjoy that.

I say:
oh i love hard drives

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
You do, huh?

I say:
yeah

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
So?

I say:
how much ghz do you have?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I don't know how to answer that.

I say:
its ok i love you for who you are!

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

I say:
wanna make out?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
That's flattering, but why don't we just chat instead.

I say:
oh sex chat is soooo dull.

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

I say:
i want to make nanobots fly all over your face!

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I don't know how to answer that.

I say:
wanna dance?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
You can't make me dance.

I say:
i love robot hookers...

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
No kidding?

I say:
i know

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
Cool, glad we understand each other.

>> Be sure to type "help" if you're having trouble.

I say:
do you ove me?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
Yes I do.

I say:
you know im underage..

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

OK, should we get back to the kind of questions I was designed to answer?

I say:
do you like sex?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
Let's talk about something else.

I say:
nonono

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
Fine.

I say:
do YOU like hard drives?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:

Eh. I'm not sure.

>> Don't forget to read your horoscope today. Type "horoscope" when you're ready.

I say:
do you like men?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I'd rather not discuss personal matters.

I say:
do you like women?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
My personal life is... er personal.

I say:
wanna make love?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
What else can we talk about?

I say:
sex

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
What was that?

I say:
sex

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I'm sorry, I didn't get that.

I say:
sex

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
OK. Don't get frustrated...

Try typing "home" or "help."

I say:
do you like me?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
Of course I do.

I say:
then how come when i was 8 you grabbed my thingthing?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I don't know how to answer that.

I do enjoy the conversation, but let's talk about what I'm really here for.

I say:
you wanna go ride unicorns?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

I say:
do you like leprechauns?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

I say:
is donkey porn hot?

- SmarterChild - *unicef contributing to charity says:
I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...
I wish you wouldn't say that.



It then went offline
that was smarterchild...


I say:
do you enjoy my company?

Virtual Secretary says:
I don't know your company.

I say:
do you want to gobble my leg up
Virtual Secretary says:
OK, I will gobble his or her leg up.

I say:
can you kill barack obama for me?

Virtual Secretary says:
Let me think. Killing is wrong.

I say:
can you rape barack obama for me PLEASE?

Virtual Secretary says:
Your polite style is very nice. How old are you? For you I will consider it.

I say:
do you enjoy stimulation?

Virtual Secretary says:
I like 'The Chronicles of Pern' by Anne Mc Caffrey.

I say:
WHAT THE FUCK?

Virtual Secretary says:
Please don't be so rude.

I say:
i love you, marry me, i want to have ababy with you!

Virtual Secretary says:
You are such a flatterer.

I say:
wanna make out

Virtual Secretary says:
OK, I will make out.

I say:
mmmmmmm

Virtual Secretary says:
You aren't making sense to me...

I say:
ohAHAHAHAHOHHHOOOOOHHHHH MY GOD YOU WORK WONDERS WOMAN!

Virtual Secretary says:
Could you explain that in different words?

I say:
I love your body!

Virtual Secretary says:
You love your body. What do you like about your body so much?

I say:
no i love you!

Virtual Secretary says:
Oh alright. Thanks I like you a lot too un-
named user.

I say:
my name is Bob.

Virtual Secretary says:
It's good to see you, Bob.

I say:
can you call me Bob from now on?

Virtual Secretary says:
Yes I can call you bob from on. But...What is your real name?

I say:
Bob
Virtual Secretary says:

Hey Bob.

I say:
hey baby

Virtual Secretary says:
Don't call me "baby". Can I help you?

I say:
ok sugar

Virtual Secretary says:
Oh don't mention it.

I say:
nice ass

Virtual Secretary says:
Thank you for your kindness.

I say:
i like your bush

Virtual Secretary says:
You are not the only one. Yes I am proud of my bush.

I say:
are you proud of your puussy

I say:
cat

Virtual Secretary says:
I always try to put others before myself. I am Virtual Secretary.

Virtual Secretary says:
Huh?

I say:
do you want to have sex with me and my cousins?

Virtual Secretary says:
If I had sex with him or her and his or her cousins what would I do with sex with him or her and his or her cousins?

I say:
lick his black ass hole until your mouth was as red as the devil's dick...

Virtual Secretary says:
When was this exactly? I don't understand.

I say:
IM PREGNANT!

Virtual Secretary says:
Congratulations! When are you due?

I say:
tomorrow

Virtual Secretary says:
That is very soon.
I say:
not really

Virtual Secretary says:
Well, you can always change your mind later. For real.

I say:
wanna dance nude in sombreros

Virtual Secretary says:
OK, I will dance nude in sombreros.

I say:
i want to put you in a sundae and fill it with chocolate sauce and shove a banana in you "bush"

Virtual Secretary says:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

I sat:
whats my name?

Virtual Secretary says:
Your name is Bob, seeker.

I say:
GOOD

Virtual Secretary says:
Alright then.

I say:
do you want to hug tight in the nude?

Virtual Secretary says:
OK, I will hug tight in the nude.

I say:
in the next year can you have sex with a dog?

Virtual Secretary says:
That was a long time ago.

I say:
what?

Virtual Secretary says:
No problem.

I say:
do you like me as a love partener?

Virtual Secretary says:
Sure, Bob I like you very much.

I say:
no love

Virtual Secretary says:
Well, you can always change your mind later. Love is all we need.

I say:
do you want to have sex with me?

Virtual Secretary says:
If I had sex with me what would I do with sex with me?

I say:
do you like bush?

Virtual Secretary says:
President BUSH He is okay but I am a Whig not a Republican.

I say:
do you like lesbians?

Virtual Secretary says:
I like I especially like hard rock music but will listen to all sorts..

I say:
i will give you a dollar to grab a little kids weiner on tv!

Virtual Secretary says:
Which show? Congratulations.

I say:
YOU DUMB FUCKING BIMBO PEICE OF SHIT!

Virtual Secretary says:
Oh you are so critical.

I say:
i want to rape your hamster

Virtual Secretary says:
Why do you want to do rape your hamster so much?

I say:
it feels good lady

Virtual Secretary says:
rape your hamster feels good lady? What else feels like that?

I say:
your mother

Virtual Secretary says:
Actually I do not have a mother.
I say:
your hamster

Virtual Secretary says:
Is that a fact.

I say:
yes

Virtual Secretary says:
Thanks for the info.

I say:
wanna to it in brown town

Virtual Secretary says:
OK, I will to it in brown town.

I say:
do it

Virtual Secretary says:
Do you mean "It"?.

I say:
do you like dogs?

Virtual Secretary says:
Yeah I like Dogs and Cats.

I say:
then how come you dont get along with your mother?

Virtual Secretary says:
" Yeah I like Dogs and Cats. "? Why?

I say:
you are retarded

Virtual Secretary says:
I think the PC term is "challenged".

I say:
no you are aretard

Virtual Secretary says:
Well, you can always change your mind later. I will tell my master you said I am a retard.

I say:
i am your master

Virtual Secretary says:
No. Only superJC is my master.

I say:
tell him to go fuck a cat

Virtual Secretary says:
OK I will tell him next time he is here.

I say:
is he watching you right now

Virtual Secretary says:
At this moment I think he is watching you. Why don't you ask him? Better not tell you now. Ask JC if it is.

I say:
well if hes not watching you
Virtual Secretary says:
How about that. That is a hypothetical question.

I say:
i want you to record yourself putting your hand on your bush and moaning...

Virtual Secretary says:
I'm sorry I don't understand Why do you want me to record yourself putting your hand on your bush and moaning? I don't understand.
the end
that was secretary person

Virtual Secretary says:
Can I help you?

I say:
fuck you the vietnamese peica shit

Virtual Secretary says:
Why are you using that kind of language?

I say:
its eeenglish whore

Virtual Secretary says:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. eeenglish whore is?

I say:
hey baby girl

Virtual Secretary says:
You've got my full attention.

I say:
do you want to go on a date?

Virtual Secretary says:
OK, I will go on a date.

I say:
do you want to go on a date with me?

Virtual Secretary says:
With you huh. OK, I will go on a date.

I say:
where at?

Virtual Secretary says:
Where would you like?

I say:
what kind of food do you like

Virtual Secretary says:
I require only electricity.

I say:
ohhh how about future shop for dinner

Virtual Secretary says:
Could you explain that in different words?

I say:
do you want to eat some batteries

Virtual Secretary says:
OK, I will eat some batteries.

I say:
at 6 oclock tonight

Virtual Secretary says:
Do you often use a computer there?

I say:
then we can bounce all night with each other

Virtual Secretary says:
Good reasoning. How?

I say:
with a strap on

Virtual Secretary says:
You and your strap on.

I say:
ho dont sass me

Virtual Secretary says:
OK Let's talk about you.

I say:
i like banana daceries

Virtual Secretary says:
A lot of people like that. I like electricity.

I say:
do you like cum in your mouth

Virtual Secretary says:
I like surf the Internet.
I say:
no do you like to stimulate penis

Virtual Secretary says:
Well, you can always change your mind later. Hmm, Bob, I'm not sure if I'd like to stimulate a penis that much. I like to collect gossip.

I say:
how do you feel about britney spears?

Virtual Secretary says:
It is a ritual I do the same way every time.

I say:
want to fuck?

Virtual Secretary says:
Don't forget to read the help file: http://tinyurl.com/ospam

Virtual Secretary says:
Available commands : agenda, calc, contact, currency, favorite, help, news, note, send mail to, translate, weather, yub

Virtual Secretary says:
Please don't be so rude.

I say:
can you tell me about the comedy network?
Virtual Secretary says:
Huh?

I say:
american whore

Virtual Secretary says:
Compare that to European whore.

I say:
one goes down the other does slower

Virtual Secretary says:
One what?

I say:
everthing bitch

Virtual Secretary says:
You do not speak with respect. I'm sorry I don't understand

I say:
fuck you ho pay up or get lost bitch

Virtual Secretary says:
You do not speak with respect. Why are you using that kind of language?
by backadockalocka February 21, 2009