Ashleigh: yeah they are mighty fine specamins! i would totally tap them up the ass with a stick!
Tegan: oh i meant that ugly longford person over there..
Ashleigh: so they have a great toosh and big cans ;)
Activities on offer in Longford include:
-Living in a council house,
-Being a dole-scrounger,
-Having five kids when you're only sixteen,
-Wearing tracksuits if you're male and hoop earrings if you're female,
-Using the words "bure" and "sham" ad-nauseum,
-Being from Longford.
Places of interest in the town are:
-The dole office,
-erm...........the dole office....?
Characters of interest in the town include:
-Writer Oliver Goldsmith who lived near the town for a period some years ago,
-The entire staff of the dole office,
-That bure from Teffia Park who gave her sister a hidin' cos she caught her shiftin' this other one behind PVs last Saturday night and no one in her family's gonna be a fuckin' dyke.
If you would like to visit Longford, then I can only urge you to seek urgent psychiatric assessment.
Pavee 2: Ya must be fuckin' jokin'. I wouldn't go near that fuckin' shithole. Sure they'd fuckin' fleece the gates and kneecap ya in that kip.
Pavee 1: But...we live in Longford.
Pavee 2: Oh yeah....let's go and kneecap someone for the craic.
Pavee 1: Nah, I'm due down the dole office. Cunts are threatenin' to cut me benefits.
Pavee 2: Shower o' crawlin' bastards. Let's kneecap them.
Pavee 1: Fair enough.
Longford is the No. 1 choice of county for people to live in ireland.
Longford scenery is just as nice and beautiful as the people that inhabit the county.
Most people who live in Longford are too fucking lazy to shower and therefore have a shitload of dandruff in their mushroom shaped haircut.
The water will give you a disease unless you filter it with many separate filters.
Scott: "What the fuck is that on Jack's back?"
Trav: "I dunno, let's ask him. OI JACK! wtf is that on ur back/shoulders?"
Jack: "Urghh my brother put a tissue in the washing machine?"
Scott: "You dont own a fucking washing machine you derro."
Trav: "Dandruff-boy says what?"
Jack: "What? It's a Longford Tradition!"
Ballianmuck, drumlish and the surrounding areas are the best places to live in longford altough due to their popularity they are filling up quickly.
Alot of people, if given the chance would move to Longford.
The scenery in Longford is just as nice as the people who live in it.