Rules of the Classroom:
1) Never date single mothers. Dating equals porking.
-Too much of a risk. She already made one mistake and some guy is paying out his asshole for the next 18 years of his life. Probably paying vaginamony, also known as alimony and/or child support. Also the kid will always remain #1 in the relationship. You will always take the backseat. Although single mothers may seem to be "easy," you don't want to deal with this baggage if all you want to do is bang. There are plenty of chicks out there without children... including in Seattle believe it or not.
2) Never spend more than $40 on a date. If possible, let her pay for everything.
-There is no reason you should feel obligated to pay for anything. However, there is nothing wrong with splitting things 50/50. If you can get away without paying a dime...great. More tail for less money bottom line.
3) If she doesn't bang you by the third date, Dump That Bitch (DTB)
-Chances are she has no intention of EVER screwing you. Why should you invest your time when all she just wants to do is string you along. You would be wasting time and money so move on. If she really wants to bang you, she will come to you after the third date ends.
4) No spooning, cuddling, hugging, or staying over.
-Get in and get out. (No pun intended). If all you wanna do is bang, this can send them the wrong message that you want more.
5) Never get involved with a co-worker unless you dont mind losing your job over it.
-In today's world, a man can be burned with sexual harassment very easily. Limit your conversations with female co-workers to the following:
B) How are you (that's optional)
6) Women like men who are assholes.
-If a woman sees that you are a pussy, she will walk all over you. If they think that you are a busy guy and hard to get a hold of, the more they will want in your pants.
7) The "Looks/Self-Esteem Ratio"
The number at the top of the ratio is a 1-10 rating on her looks...you want this to be as high as possible. The number at the bottom of the ratio her self-esteem...you want this to be as low as possible. (i.e. a 9/4 is a nice catch. 5/10 ratio would translate to TMW or Too Much Work) Also if the self-esteem digit is too low, it could lead to problems such as a "lick-it-around-the-edge" type of chick.
8) Never buy a chick flowers, candies, teddy bears, etc.
-It is a waste of money. Buying a chick gifts with the intent on getting in her panties is usually a waste. There is no guarantee you'll get some just because you bought her gifts. Doing so would break rule #2 easily. A woman decides within the first 5 minutes of meeting you whether or not she wants to have sex with you and no amount of limo rides, expensive gifts, or fine dining is going to change her mind.
9) Men and women can't be friends.
-For a woman, a guy friend is just a guy waiting for a chance to get in her pants. They are thinking about it all the time. These are usually the same guys who will wait for any sort of breakdown between you and the chick. Then they will swoop in. If you plan on having any sort of relationship with a certain chick, do not allow guy friends. By the way, never be a guy friend.
10) Women like to keep guys on the back-burner.
-Most like to keep their options open...always having someone available on the side. Don't let this be you. You will find it very hard to get out of.
11) Chicks with nice racks will usually tell you about it.
-If you ask a chick if "do you have a nice rack" and she gets offended, it usually means she is a member of SAG. Women with nice racks usually have no problem with talking about it...sometimes in great detail. BOIINGG!
12) Catholic school equals crack in the ass.
-If you are dating (a.k.a. porking) a chick that went to catholic school. She probably likes a nice crack in the ass once in a while, maybe more often. Give her what she wants.
13) Men don't like to dance
-Men will dance to get laid. Women dance to get men and attention. If you are an exeption, you are probably gay or latino.
14) Women by nature are attention whores.
15) Chicks like to travel in packs.
-This allows the hot one a means to escape. Usually it's the ugly one in the group that will ruin your chance of separating one of them from the group. Your chances of getting laid are better when you split them up.
16) Fat chicks give good hummers.
-Fat chicks love to eat.
17) Never get married untill you are a minimum 25, recommended 30.
-Lack of experience. Wait untill you've had your share of partying. If you are considering a threesome for example, do it before you get married to get it out of your system.
18) Never carry or hold a chicks purse.
-They are testing you. Don't do it, bottom line.
19) Buying Drinks helps.
-Women like to have the booze factor. A little yagermeister works wonders. Also when a guy buys a chick a drink, it means he either:
A) he wants to see her naked
B) he wants to bang her
These are some of the Rules of Leykis 101.
Rules ALL men should live by:
1. NEVER, EVER date a single mother.
2. Never do what you don't want to do. You make the money, you decide where you are going and what you are doing.
3. Don't ask a women what she wants to do.
4. Never tell a women how much money you make.
5. Don't EVER date co-workers!
6. Never answer the phone on the weekend.
7. Never spend more than 40 bucks on a date.
8. NEVER approach a woman in a club who has her girlfriends with her.
9. If you are not getting laid by the 3rd date, dump her and move on.
10. No spooning, no cuddling, no staying over. Get in, get out!
11. Never be in a committed relationship UNTIL you are 25 or really ready to settle down.
"Leykis 101 - learn it. Live it"
Leykis 101 students know what dating is all about. Dating equals porking. We do not go on dates to give a woman an I.Q. test, show you new restaurants, or show you fine wines. We go out with you in order to get laid. When we do that, we don't hear a word you say. Understand that on a first date, we do not hear a word. All that stuff you're telling us about: your job, where you grew up, your mom and dad, your siblings, your best friend, your girlfriends, what movies you seen recently, what tv shows you like to watch...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. That is just backround noise while we try figure out how to get enough alcohol in your gut so you'll find us attractive and take your clothes off. That whole time we are wondering what you look like naked, and that's really all we care about. Hate to disappoint you ladies, but we do not take you out on a date to put you on final jeopardy to see how smart you are. We hope you're stupid. We really do not care about how intelligent you are. We wanna see you naked. That's it, bottom line, end of storymore...
Leykis 101 students are also known as jerks or assholes, and we're proud of it. People think they are insulting us by telling us that we're jerks or assholes. You call us a jerk, we wear it like a badge. You bet we're jerks. We'll call you, and we won't call you for three weeks, we'll put you on ice. Then when we call you back, you'll feel lucky we finally called you back. You won't see us calling you back at 6:30 the ...
The Mans Bible
Leykis 101 is
A radio program in which the man of truth, Tom Leykis, informs us of the ways of the world.
I listen to Leykis 101
"The on-going on-air adult education course that teaches men how to get more tail for less money...more importantly...teaches women how men really think."
"Teaches you how to have sex without relationships, avoid serious commitments, avoid marriage, avoid the clutches of women who want your money or your time, women who want to waste all that valuable time when you could be gettin some somewhere else"
Taught by the professor Tom Leykis, who is a cunning linguist, master debator, and an amateur gynecologist. Tom Leykis is also a board licensed interpreter who can interpret women into english.
I am a student of Leykis 101.
I am a Leykis 101 graduate.
Leykis 101 airs every Thursday on The Tom Leykis Show.