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8.
Kung Fu is a supernatural defense martial arts system developed in China to ward off attacking ninjas from Japan. It was introduced to America by a mutated Kung Fu Master called Kwai Chang Caine aka Master of Puppets, aka David Carradine. Adepts of Kung Fu learn the highly guarded secret of learning to shoot noodles out of their right nostril and to knock out their opponents without actually coming into physical contact with them as well as other deadly techniques (This included droping Acme fire - crackers in the victims' underpants and gleefully watching them). Kung fu masters usually lose to oponents using The Norwegian Barfighting Method unless they are either drunk, high, or Bruce Lee. Every chinaman is known to be born with perfect Kung Fu skills.

The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.

So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.

"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"

"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."

Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.

Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
"Kung fu is like flower, in it I win"

~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu

"I am starting to learn my strength back"

~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
by kodiac1 July 08, 2006
81 65
 
9.
Kung Fu is a game in which two or more people must play. The game is played by slapping each other on the hand. You can only make one move per turn. Once an attempt at slapping the other person's hand is made, you must keep your body in that position until your next turn. This game has also been called Ninja, but Kung Fu is its official name.
Person 1: "Hey, who wants to play Ninja?"

Person 2: "Screw you. It's called Kung Fu. Get it right."
by TheWenguin June 04, 2010
10 6
 
10.
A generic term for any particilar skill, technical ability, talent, etc.
"I've seen that guy's work before; it's excellent. He's got good kung fu"
by Vegas February 05, 2005
42 38
 
11.
1) Chinese fo "Skill learned over time".

2) The martial art that is shown off in movies, but is rarely practical for the casual person. Only useful if one dedicates hours a day to it.

3) To physically attack

4) What happens when you cook a cat and call it crispy duck.
"I'm gonna kung fu yo ass"


"mmmm... duck"
by Gumba Gumba February 26, 2004
26 25
 
12.
The art of extreme computer hacking. Also a derogative term to call someone's computer defenses weak. As demonstrated in the movie "the core"
"my kung fu can hack the FBI"

"your kung fu is not strong!"
by iamthefosh January 13, 2009
7 8
 
13.
Cambridge rhyming slang for lighter- kung fu fighter
Oi Ben pass the kung fu!
by robat October 06, 2006
14 16
 
14.
An often misinterpreted Chinese word group that means, "To expend energy." Kung Fu is not a martial art, but rather a philosophy. It is a method by which to perform a task.
Kung Fu is kinda like the 70's version of Fung Sheu.
by Buzz Geiss April 24, 2004
30 33