Kung Fu is a supernatural defense martial arts system developed in China to ward off attacking ninjas from Japan. It was introduced to America by a mutated Kung Fu Master called Kwai Chang Caine aka Master of Puppets, aka David Carradine. Adepts of Kung Fu learn the highly guarded secret of learning to shoot noodles out of their right nostril and to knock out their opponents without actually coming into physical contact with them as well as other deadly techniques (This included droping Acme fire - crackers in the victims' underpants and gleefully watching them). Kung fu masters usually lose to oponents using The Norwegian Barfighting Method unless they are either drunk, high, or Bruce Lee. Every chinaman is known to be born with perfect Kung Fu skills.

The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.

So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.

"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"

"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."

Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.

Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
"Kung fu is like flower, in it I win"

~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu

"I am starting to learn my strength back"

~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
#kung #fu #fight #murder #kill
by kodiac1 July 08, 2006
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Kung fu is one of a number of Chinese martial arts designed to refine the body and the mind. It is perhaps one of the most widely known Chinese martial arts, because many films incorporate kung fu techniques. There are hundreds of styles of kung fu taught all over the world, although they can be loosely divided into two camps: Shaolin style kung fu, and other techniques, some of which have a history which out dates the Shaolin order. Kung fu is seen with a variety of different spellings including gung fu and gong fu. This spelling variation is due to the difficulty of transliterating from Chinese to other languages. During the 19th and early 20th centuries, Chinese was transliterated using the Wade-Giles system, which transposed the Chinese “g” sound with a “k.” Parts of China and Taiwan still use the Wade-Giles system, but most of China has begun to use pinyin, which has replaced the “k” of the Wade-Giles system with a “g.” Bruce Lee and other famous martial artists from China also used the “g” when talking about gung fu. Shaolin gung fu has its origins in the fifth century. Like some other martial arts, it began in religious temples, where the monks sought a mind and body discipline.
In addition to the fighting style, kung fu also includes mental exercises and religious practices designed to balance the whole body. Kung fu is fundamentally about aligning the practitioner with chi, the life force which is believed to move all around us. Shaolin temples resembled universities, integrating a wide range of subjects of study. Therefore, traditional Shaolin styles such as Wing Chun, Crane, Praying Mantis, and Hung Gar incorporate knowledge from fields outside martial arts, such as the healing arts and meditation. Advocates for Shaolin styles believe that they are more rounded martial arts styles, and that practitioners will benefit from them on a whole body level. Other fighting styles, some of which predate the Shaolin style, are also lumped under the kung fu umbrella. They include Pa-Kua, Eagle Claw, and Eight Drunken Immortals styles. These kung fu disciplines are not considered to be Shaolin style because they did not originate in temples, and are focused primarily on fighting techniques. Whether Shaolin or otherwise, kung fu is characterized by self defense tactics which turn the energy of an attacker against him or her. Although the techniques may vary, individual kung fu styles teach grapples, throws, kicks, punches, and the use of weapons such as staffs. In addition to the physical discipline, most kung fu styles place an emphasis on respect, honor, and living a balanced life.
#kung fu #shaolin kung fu #jujitsu #tai chi #bajiquan #eskrima #jeet kune do #muay thai #tae kwon do #tang soo do #aikido #hapkido #ninjutsu #judo #kenjutsu #kendo #kenpo #boxing #kickboxing #vale tudo
by Dancing with Fire January 08, 2011
An extremely disciplined, powerful martial art where strength is built in low stances and powerful blocks. Some Kung Fu blocks are so powerful that it can break the arm of someone who is punching you. Kunf Fu has many systems like Hung-Gar, WuShu, Wing Chun, and others. Kung Fu is for the patient, and mentally and physically strong person. It was the basis for many later forms of martial arts.
All the best martial arts masters practice Kung-Fu. It is even taught to some country's military special forces.
by 2ndDegreeBlackSash April 10, 2004
The pursuit of physical and mental perfection.

Kung fu is used to take a chaotic mind and turn it into a flourishing garden of thought.

The physical side of Kung fu is what is seen on tv, its all people know about it because they are not worthy of its study until they realise it.

Kung fu comes in many many forms, it is not limited to a style, a style is somthing we make from kung fu.

Just because the styles available are what is on offer, does not mean that after you learn discipline in one style you cannot progress and create your own personal style based on what is essentially your most powerful stance, movement pattern, or technique.

Kung fu is misunderstood from its original intentions, purely because many heathens have gotten hold of it and are not following the rules associated with attaining and maintaining balance in thier lives.

Kung fu is not an excuse to pick fights, thought in this area is needed greatly because it is a fairly gentle art in most cases and this is misinterpreted.

The reason we are not shown what can be done by most kung fu masters is because of the nature of man and the overwhelming desire to do battle inherant within 'most' of us.

A dedicated passion for peace is what is needed to achieve control and perfection of the art.
Kung fu learner 'x' becomes gripped with what is in the movies.
He quickly loses control over the mental aspect through training only the body. this leads to very bad karma.

Kung fu learner 'Y' becomes gentle yet powerful and accurate through the correct path of 'mind first and foremost, body later' This leads to a very healthy lifestyle.
by Hotornot August 03, 2005
(Chinese) An aquired skill.
Cooking is just as much a kung fu than Wing Chun or Hsing I.
by Bladen June 04, 2003
In laymens term, Kung fu = Skill

Kung = Energy
Fu = time

anything that takes energy and time developes its own level of kung fu.

Chinese based martial arts are often refered to as kung fu. When regarding these systems of martial arts, many people, especially todays modern martial arts crowed, mis understand the truth behind chinese based martial arts.

There are many schools of kung fu that do not have actual masters teachning them, this is where the common mis conception of its effectiveness comes into play. those ignorant of the truth behind chinese martial arts view these schools and form an incorrect ideal of what kung fu is.

traditional chinese martial arts, often are very quick, very powerful, and extremely effective in thier efficiency.

to become proficient in chinese martial arts however, takes great time.

due to the methods and the variance in technique, chinese martial arts, often, take three times longer to become proficeient in. however, when you reach a state of proficiency, you will have a higher degree of available techniques. Rather than the simple basics that many (mostly modern martial arts such as MMA) have. A "kung fu" master, delves in depth to the intricacies of the human body and its mechanics, exploiting any and all weaknesses in thier opponent, being able to explode from any position, and from any posture with heavily practiced techniques for such occasions.

only the ignorant believe any system of martial arts superior to another.

it is simply in the practitioner itself.

for those seeking very in depth studies that will only grow and flourish with time, traditional chinese martial arts are for you.

for those seeking basics and a quick step guide to basic average fighting skills, do not study traditional chinese martial arts. you will not understand, you will be left behind, and you likely will not have the will, determination, and patients required for such a highly refined skill set.
they say on technique a thousand times is better than a thousand techniques one time.

in kung fu, we practice the thousand techniques, a thousand times.

thus the extra time involved in learning to become truly profitient.

in the beginning your kung fu will be weak, near the end, your kung fu will be unrivaled.
#wushu #gong fu #gung fu #kung fu #cma
by pangquan October 03, 2006
Synonym of skill or ability.
"My Kung Fu is stronger than yours".
by Marcel B September 14, 2005
A collection of fine martial arts which, thanks to thousands of matrix fanboys and anime-fags, has come to represent a massive group of jerkasses and idiots who think that a fancy school is the secret to combat. The result is a huge crowd of white kids who, having not spent anywhere near enough time training, go and pick fights with other people who don't know kung-fu, but DO know a decent right cross. I'm sure that, given time, it is powerful and deadly, but 90% of the time, the kid across from you is just going to pull some 'combatative flower arranging' type bullshit until you kick him in the head, at which point, he'll fall over and cry that you didn't hit him in a blockable fashion.
An Amazing Martial Art that has been ruined by faggots.

See also: Pretty Much every other fighting style. Except Tae-Bo, Tae-Bo is the secret to victory.
by Austin May 21, 2004
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