They are direct descendants of Adolf Hitler, a man who had no children. They are so dedicated to the bullshit they speak, they would gun down anyone who stood in their way. They know how to assemble a nuclear submarine blindfolded, yet cannot identify the location of a carburetor on a vehicle. To be a proper Koontz, you must have undergone extensive marine sniper training in Fort Bragg, Oklahoma. You say there is no Fort Bragg in Oklahoma? That's how top secret it is.
Koontzes have been shot in the chest multiple times with a 30 ought 6 rifle. You also own a .17 caliber rifle. A .44 magnum round tickles, yet when a dog jumps on your knee, you are crippled for at least a week.
To be a Koontz is to be a god.
Koontz won World WarII. The bomb from the Enola Gay failed to drop, so Koontz carried the bomb in on his back, then detonated it, living to tell the tale.
"johhny makes me koontz he tried to make me suck his shwang"