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1.
The first time your wife lets you hit it after she's been withholding sex for so long you could swear there's cobwebs in her birth canal. Just like killing a real spider, desperation rules, and the only option is to get the job done as quickly as possible.
John: Liz asked me to kill the spider last night...

Jim: Wow, what did you do to piss her off in the first place?
by Jesus Christ, Superdave June 28, 2013