Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.

The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.

When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.

The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.

Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.

The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.

Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
by trust me, you dont want to kno August 21, 2008

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One of the worst bands in history. Their main fan base consists of 12-16 year old girls who only like them because of their "pretty boy" good looks, which is lucky for them, because without their looks they would never have become so successful because their music is pile of steaming shit.

Talentless and boring is the only way to describe the Jonas Brothers. They refuse to have sex before marriage, which they in their own words describe as "pretty awesome". Pretty awesome? Yeah i think you will find pal, that premarital sex is even more awesome. Grow some fucking balls you poncey twats.
Paul: Hey theres a Jonas Brothers concert on next week. Wanna go see it?

John: Fuck no, id rather go and see a band with actual talent.
by jonas brothers suck balls September 19, 2008

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An incredibly shit band who try to fit in to the 'rock' genre, alas, to no success. They attract taste-deprived female teenagers who deserve to be shot. End of.
Taste-deprived female teenager: 'OnGG i LoVe ThE jOnAs bBrOtHeRS!!11!11111'

Me: Jonas Brothers suck hairy monkey balls. You can go hang yourself now.
by Slush Kamuri-Krip January 16, 2009

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A Group Of 3 Queers Who Have No Life And Suck Eggs. They Cant Sing And I Hate Them.
Sad JB Fan - Like OMG I Love The Jonas Brothers They're So Fitt!!





Get A Life They Suck!
by MekaMurderScene February 15, 2009

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1. Probably the worst band in history, consisting of 3 faggot brothers but somehow they always have instruments that the fag brothers don't play like the drum set. They have also have been famous for "dancing" on stage during live performances. These posers also have accumulated 0 guy fans in there whole carreer, and their girl fans are all 9 years old. These fags also whear abstinence rings, meaning that they REFUSE to have sex(not that this situation would actually happen)until they are married. The only flaw in this is the church doesnt allow gay marriage.

2. A group of 3 people who love touching each others 1 inch penises, deriven from the gay ass band the jonas brothers.
1. faggot: "hey man, i went to a jonas brothers concert, it was awesome!"
jimmy page: "you are a fucking faggot." and kicks the shit out of the homo.

2. 3 gay guys: "we love penis and abtaining from sex!"

metallica fan: "fags" and beats the shit out of them
by T dawg February 09, 2008

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The biggest cock-lickers on the face of this planet. They have no talent whatsoever, and they're lack of talent just makes them ten times gayer. They're fucking stupid and no, they did not save your life. Their lyrics suck so much ass that its turning brown.
Someone: Did you know one of the Jonas Brothers has diabetes?
Me: Good, I hope he dies from it.
by kaybuttttttt September 02, 2008

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1. the worst musicians ever to hit planet earth.

2. basically put, they repeat the same shitty guitar riff and sing in their nasal voices the most fucking nonsense lyrics ever to come out of a fudge packers mouth.
hannah montana is almost as bad as the jonas brothers.
by SHUTYOURMOUTHANDOPENYOURMIND October 19, 2008

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A Word that when you type in "Jonas Brother" in Urban Dictionary, you get a bunch of hate comments saying they are shitty. But if you search Joe Jonas you get a bunch of girly positive comments for some reason.
1. Joe Jonas 1124 up, 513 down

a member of the best band ever- Jonas Brothers

very manly, beautiful, funny, plays the tambourine
brother of Kevin, Frankie and Nick Jonas

1. Jonas Brothers 3883 up, 1774 down

A shitty, pop, rock band that makes it harder to apperecite good music today.
by Jonas?? August 02, 2009

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