Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.

The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.

When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.

The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.

Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.

The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.

Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
by trust me, you dont want to kno August 21, 2008
n.- Really bad boy band founded sometime in 2007, no one knows the real date because no one cares. They make ridiculously stupid covers and songs. They may be kid safe, but when 99% of your fan base is girls 9-15, and you call yourself a "rock" band, then you must have severe head trauma and deserve to die. Because the Jonas Brothers and mainstream rap and hip hop and pop (mostly the JonASS brothers) clog the arteries of the music industry, there are very few good bands actually being heard about, (IE Alexisonfire, Moneen, The Blood Brothers.) Any of these bands have potential for a major label, but because these no talent asses, the JoHoes, are converting potential listeners, they will never get that shot.

Yes, I'm 16.
Yes, I'm a male.
No, not all of my music is emo, heavy metal, punk, etc. I listen to the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, The Beach Boys, Led Zeppelin, Boston, Chicago... You get the point.

If you're reading this and like the Jonas Brothers, let these words seep into your brain before you start with your "OMG! THE JoNAs BRoThERs aRe AmAziNG!" Their cover of Hello Goodbye was horrible, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr must be angered by this cover.
The Jonas Brothers have no talent.
Jonas Brothers armies have to listen to some real music.
by KillerPineapple October 05, 2008
One of the many horrible things coming out of that corporate, brainwashing company, Disney Channel. Sickens me.

You can trust me, when I say I am WAYYYYY smarter than any crazy girl who obviously could NEVER get a boyfriend, therefore developing some idiotic celebrity crush on someone who you will NEVER meet.

Nick Jonas will never EVER marry you!
He will never KNOW YOUR NAME!
He will never read that fan-mail you spend your time writing!
AND EVEN IF HE DID HE WOULD HE WOULD CONSIDER YOU ANOTHER ANNOYING FAN!!!

My advice to any girl who has a crush on Jonas Brothers:
GET A REALITY CHECK!!! Why don't you start wearing a bra, buy some deodorant, and GET A BOYFRIEND!!!
(preferably one you've met, knows your name, and is actually attractive)

And I am a 12 year old girl, reading at a college level, math at a 10th grade level, and I have been going out with my boyfriend (13) for over a year.

And I would get beat up SOOO bad if I even MENTIONED them at school(trust me, it happened to someone else)

And yes, this school does have 15 year olds too.
Girl- OMG!!! Don't you LOVE the Jonas Brothers!?! They are SOOOO cute!!!

Me- Maybe you should have a crush on someone from the same state as you. Or at least one you've talked to.

Girl- Oh, who needs you? I'm gonna listen to my new CD.

Me- OW!!! MY EARS! MAKE IT STOP!!!
by Angelicawalker123 August 04, 2008
The second-worst band in the world, for a reason that Naked Brothers Band already has that place.

I mean, seriously. They moan at every word on some songs*, some of their songs are offbeat", and they just plain plagiarize the good songs of yesterday^.

With a fan base of 7-16 year old females (averaging 15) they have a shitty fan base made up of screams of terror like the JBs are molesting them.
*Hold On
"Play My Music (It starts changing melody in the chorus)
^Kids of the Future (I mean, c'mon.) and their newest hit, Take on me (Dare to sing low when you haven't broken your voices yet?)

eugh..... Jonas Brothers
by Eugh..... October 19, 2008
Some silly pop (NOT ROCK) band that mostly little girls listen to. Their songs are extremely generic and annoying. 95% percent of their fans talk like dumbasses. If you think they are the best band in the world, you are strongly misguided.

A lot of fans will say you're jealous if you make a negative comment about them. This happens frequently on Yahoo! Answers.

Once a "friend" of mine said The Jonas Brothers are better then Pink Floyd. Bitch.
by Run Rabbit Run! August 05, 2008
BOys who whine, call it music, and like to groom themselves by licking their genitals.
"holy shit! why is that guy sucking cock?"
"cuz he part of the Jonas Brothers."
"oh."
Jonas Brothers: "It tastes like vanilla!"
by NLT LOVVAAA May 12, 2008
A shitty and talentless band that plays Excrement falsely classified as rock music. The common Jonas Brothers fan that I have come across claims to be a hardcore rocker. When these fans are asked about rock legends such as Led Zeppelin, Lynard Skynard, Rolling Stones, The Beatles, or Nirvana they scratch their head in confusion.
Jimmy: My favorite band is the Jonas Brothers.

Bob: What the hell happened to Slayer, Pantera, or Metallica? I hate this world.
by Coerce1 March 17, 2009
(n.) A homosexual band from Wyckoff (wha-k-off) New Jersey; used to brainwash teenage girls; made famous from a Christain rock radio station

they also like to lipsync music on-stage and let Disney Inc. take money from little girls (or their rich parents; in the case thier spoiled)

Related Entries: "OJD" - Obsessive Jonas Disorder - a fake disease that millions of teenage Jonas Brothers Fans claim to have; another lame creation of Disney Inc.
Straight Man 1: Dude, have you seen that group of gay men called the Jonas Brothers?

Faggot 1: Yea man, they're soooo cool.

(Straight man 1 punches Faggot 1 in the face and walks away.)

---------------------------------------

Pleading Mother 1: Oh doctor, my daughter claims to suffer from OJD !

Doctor 1: Is this true little Sally?

Little Sally: Yes doctor! I'm sick with love!

Doctor 1: There's only one cure to this, simply pay me $100 to go take out those 3 bastards.

Pleading Mother 1: Oh here! Anything to end this !
by Urb4nD1ct10n4ry; Editor July 10, 2008
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