Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.

The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.

When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.

The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.

Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.

The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.

Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
by trust me, you dont want to kno August 21, 2008
n.- Really bad boy band founded sometime in 2007, no one knows the real date because no one cares. They make ridiculously stupid covers and songs. They may be kid safe, but when 99% of your fan base is girls 9-15, and you call yourself a "rock" band, then you must have severe head trauma and deserve to die. Because the Jonas Brothers and mainstream rap and hip hop and pop (mostly the JonASS brothers) clog the arteries of the music industry, there are very few good bands actually being heard about, (IE Alexisonfire, Moneen, The Blood Brothers.) Any of these bands have potential for a major label, but because these no talent asses, the JoHoes, are converting potential listeners, they will never get that shot.

Yes, I'm 16.
Yes, I'm a male.
No, not all of my music is emo, heavy metal, punk, etc. I listen to the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, The Beach Boys, Led Zeppelin, Boston, Chicago... You get the point.

If you're reading this and like the Jonas Brothers, let these words seep into your brain before you start with your "OMG! THE JoNAs BRoThERs aRe AmAziNG!" Their cover of Hello Goodbye was horrible, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr must be angered by this cover.
The Jonas Brothers have no talent.
Jonas Brothers armies have to listen to some real music.
by KillerPineapple October 05, 2008
The quintessence of faggotry. Possible target for assassination. Worst music of all time which promotes stupidity.
Teacher:"Give me a sentence for quintessence Johny."

Johny:"The Jonas Brothers are the quintessence of faggotry."

Teacher:" Excellent! A+!"
by Manwithamilliondollars October 29, 2008
One of the many horrible things coming out of that corporate, brainwashing company, Disney Channel. Sickens me.

You can trust me, when I say I am WAYYYYY smarter than any crazy girl who obviously could NEVER get a boyfriend, therefore developing some idiotic celebrity crush on someone who you will NEVER meet.

Nick Jonas will never EVER marry you!
He will never KNOW YOUR NAME!
He will never read that fan-mail you spend your time writing!
AND EVEN IF HE DID HE WOULD HE WOULD CONSIDER YOU ANOTHER ANNOYING FAN!!!

My advice to any girl who has a crush on Jonas Brothers:
GET A REALITY CHECK!!! Why don't you start wearing a bra, buy some deodorant, and GET A BOYFRIEND!!!
(preferably one you've met, knows your name, and is actually attractive)

And I am a 12 year old girl, reading at a college level, math at a 10th grade level, and I have been going out with my boyfriend (13) for over a year.

And I would get beat up SOOO bad if I even MENTIONED them at school(trust me, it happened to someone else)

And yes, this school does have 15 year olds too.
Girl- OMG!!! Don't you LOVE the Jonas Brothers!?! They are SOOOO cute!!!

Me- Maybe you should have a crush on someone from the same state as you. Or at least one you've talked to.

Girl- Oh, who needs you? I'm gonna listen to my new CD.

Me- OW!!! MY EARS! MAKE IT STOP!!!
by Angelicawalker123 August 04, 2008
A queer ass band with a bunch of gay fags in it that girls adore because they think they are the shit when the are not...they suck
Girl 1: OMGGGZZZZ DID YOU SEE THE JONAS BROTHERS LAST NIGHT?!?!?

Girl 2: OMG YA HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT!?!?

Guy: Fuck them they suck ass!
by Nibzore February 02, 2009
A band that teenage and preteen girls all over the world are obsessing over for some strange reason that I can't even begin to fathom. Possibly it's because they (the young girls) are having this weird hallucination of them being hot, which is absolutely crazy. That's definitely the only reason, unless they look up at them because they wish their boyfriends had that kind of skill in dumping them (NOT). Because the idea that anyone could even like their music just the tiniest bit is a thought that my entire mind repels against.

Trust me, I know about this, I am one of the few teens who haven't been caught up in this massive brainwashing. Save yourself before you are too!!!!!!
(Jonas Brothers come on radio)
Fangirl One: OMGOMGOMG it's the jonas brothers!!! nick is so hot!!!! yay!!!!!!
Sane person: ahhhhhH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ears are in torture!!
(Fangirls turn it up)
Fangirl Two: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!??!?! The jobros are amazing, talented young boys!! and OMG JOE IS SO HOT!!!!!
Sane person: HELP!!!
(Sane person attempts to change station; fangirls turn on him with knives)
Fangirl One: And Nick is so hot!!!!
Fangirl Two: Joe only broke up with Taylor so he could go out with ME!!!
Sane person: *gurgle*
by onlysaneonearoundhereanymore February 15, 2009
1. the worst musicians ever to hit planet earth.

2. basically put, they repeat the same shitty guitar riff and sing in their nasal voices the most fucking nonsense lyrics ever to come out of a fudge packers mouth.
hannah montana is almost as bad as the jonas brothers.
by SHUTYOURMOUTHANDOPENYOURMIND October 19, 2008
A Christian pop/rock band that consists of three brothers. That's pretty much it...

I first found this band a few years ago on some Nickelodeon commercial for a Zoey 101 movie that featured one of their songs. The song itself only appeared in the movie for a few seconds on an amplifier.

A few years later, these brothers became the biggest phenomenon since the fucking Beatles. They're rather similar to the Beatles due to the fact that they have legions of teenage fangirls that desperately want to have sexual intercourse with them, even though they're Evangelicals and won't fuck until they get married.

Musically, they're very different from the Beatles. They're basically a cross between Fall Out Boy and Hanson. Many of their songs are embarrassingly catchy, and this is coming from a guy who also listens to Cannibal Corpse. Their lyrics seem a bit immature and family friendly, but if you listen to "Burnin' Up" closely, you can sense a hint of sexual desire.

So why all the hate? I'm starting to think the only reason people hate them is because they're associated with Disney and all they want to do is brainwash kids. Or it might have something to do with their squeaky, high-pitched voices. What they need to do is get the fuck away from Disney and Inject some testosterone into their bodies. Then I think they'd get more respect.
The Jonas Brothers are Nick Jonas, Paul "Kevin" Jonas, and Joe Jonas
by Jeebus Cripes February 01, 2009

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