Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.

The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.

When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.

The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.

Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.

The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.

Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
by trust me, you dont want to kno August 21, 2008

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A Christian pop/rock band that consists of three brothers. That's pretty much it...

I first found this band a few years ago on some Nickelodeon commercial for a Zoey 101 movie that featured one of their songs. The song itself only appeared in the movie for a few seconds on an amplifier.

A few years later, these brothers became the biggest phenomenon since the fucking Beatles. They're rather similar to the Beatles due to the fact that they have legions of teenage fangirls that desperately want to have sexual intercourse with them, even though they're Evangelicals and won't fuck until they get married.

Musically, they're very different from the Beatles. They're basically a cross between Fall Out Boy and Hanson. Many of their songs are embarrassingly catchy, and this is coming from a guy who also listens to Cannibal Corpse. Their lyrics seem a bit immature and family friendly, but if you listen to "Burnin' Up" closely, you can sense a hint of sexual desire.

So why all the hate? I'm starting to think the only reason people hate them is because they're associated with Disney and all they want to do is brainwash kids. Or it might have something to do with their squeaky, high-pitched voices. What they need to do is get the fuck away from Disney and Inject some testosterone into their bodies. Then I think they'd get more respect.
The Jonas Brothers are Nick Jonas, Paul "Kevin" Jonas, and Joe Jonas
by Jeebus Cripes February 01, 2009

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A queer ass band with a bunch of gay fags in it that girls adore because they think they are the shit when the are not...they suck
Girl 1: OMGGGZZZZ DID YOU SEE THE JONAS BROTHERS LAST NIGHT?!?!?

Girl 2: OMG YA HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT!?!?

Guy: Fuck them they suck ass!
by Nibzore February 02, 2009

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Three guys (if you can even call them that) who for some reason have a shit load of fans even though they clearly do not possess any talent; you would realize this if you weren't retarded.
Their "music" (I almost threw up writing that) is supposedly directed at 8 to maybe 14 year olds, yet ALL THEIR FUCKING SONGS ARE ABOUT LOVE. No damned 10 year old knows what the hell it feels like to be in love. See a problem? Hopefully you do 'cause man, there's a LOT of them.
Random things I feel like ranting about:

1. They. Are. Not. Rock. Not now, not ever. If you think they are rock you should probably just drop dead now. Like, right now. Thanks.
2. ANYONE comparing JB to The Beatles should automatically just fall off the damned earth on to their own little planet of terrible music (JB, Miley Cyrus, all other Disney tools). It's best for everyone who actually know what real music is.
3. I see them EVERYWHERE I go. Which is indeed a horrible sight on account of I don't enjoy my eyes spazzing at the sight of them. And on that note...
4. THEY'RE SO FUCKING UGLY. Christ they look like deformed giraffes combined with dead raccoons (no offense to either specie).
5. It makes me laugh in a beyond retarded manner when the best insult fans can come up with is "YOUR JUST JEALOUS!!!!" ('Your' usually used instead of the correct 'you're' on account of their brains have melted to nothingness). The fuck is there to be jealous of? Sure I'm not famous, sure barely anyone knows my name, but I have more talent than they will ever have, thus, THEY should be jealous of ME. Biiitch.
6. Hopefully, if we are lucky enough, in a few months JB will dissapear without a trace. Now that, would be AWESOME.

Yea that was my rant.
They have such shit lyrics. I'm sick of people saying that they're so meaningful and inspiring:
"I climb a tree outside her home.
To make sure she is alone.
She looks up and sees me there.
Still I can't help but stop and stare.
That's what I go to school for.
Even though it is a real bore.
You can call me crazy.
She is so amazing."

First of all, what the hell why are the Jonas Brothers stalkers? They sound like a creepy version of Dr.Seuss. Second, if a Jonas Brother climbed a tree outside my house to be creepy mother fucker I'd push him off and call the cops. Third, how are these lyrics meaningful? Well, I guess they COULD be meaningful.. to someone who's a bloody stalker and does this every night to some poor, poor soul.
& Yes, I searched up Jonas Brothers lyrics. Yes, I am downright ashamed. But it's better than knowing the lyrics! Gotta give me something for that.
by RAHHHHHH March 12, 2009

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A band that teenage and preteen girls all over the world are obsessing over for some strange reason that I can't even begin to fathom. Possibly it's because they (the young girls) are having this weird hallucination of them being hot, which is absolutely crazy. That's definitely the only reason, unless they look up at them because they wish their boyfriends had that kind of skill in dumping them (NOT). Because the idea that anyone could even like their music just the tiniest bit is a thought that my entire mind repels against.

Trust me, I know about this, I am one of the few teens who haven't been caught up in this massive brainwashing. Save yourself before you are too!!!!!!
(Jonas Brothers come on radio)
Fangirl One: OMGOMGOMG it's the jonas brothers!!! nick is so hot!!!! yay!!!!!!
Sane person: ahhhhhH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ears are in torture!!
(Fangirls turn it up)
Fangirl Two: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!??!?! The jobros are amazing, talented young boys!! and OMG JOE IS SO HOT!!!!!
Sane person: HELP!!!
(Sane person attempts to change station; fangirls turn on him with knives)
Fangirl One: And Nick is so hot!!!!
Fangirl Two: Joe only broke up with Taylor so he could go out with ME!!!
Sane person: *gurgle*
by onlysaneonearoundhereanymore February 15, 2009

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A gayband that recently gained fame, mostly through Disney; especially popular with preteen-young adult females(surprisingly). Most girls that are self-proclaimed fans are usually legally insane, mentally retarded, or just a plain Cockhead.
Many disagree that all three are gay, but it's been recently proven that they are. The proof- Joe Jonas broke up with Miley Cyrus after finding out she is a female(legally anyway) and realizing that since Miley is a he, he couldn't have a gay foursome with her and his brothers.
Preteen Girl: Oh my goood! Did you see the Jonas Brothers on Hannah Montana?
Random Male: Hell no, the Gayass brothers suck. So does Ciley Myrus.
Preteen Girl: It's Miley Cyrus.
Random Male: Who gives a damn, they're all gay fucks that Disney dished out for the retards.
Preteen Girl: Whatever. I'm going.
Random Male: Yeah you better go back to the insane asylum or something cause you actually enjoy those Gayass Brothers and that Dingy Wig girl.
by Up4Ownage January 14, 2009

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A trio of homosexuals that create simple, bland melodies that are extremely popular among the mainstream media for no apparent reason.
"hey who are those fags from disney channel that make those shitty songs?"

"Oh, you mean the Jonas Brothers?"
by KEEPitREEL March 18, 2009

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A gay ass group of 3 homos who belong in the genre of Disney Shit. They sing like they wieners are being twisted at the same time, and they wear homo skinny jeans and low cut shirts. Most girls who are fans dont understand what true music is, and they scream everytime they see them.
Angela:y dnt u lik the jonas brothers?? Joe is soo cute!!
Alex:Because they have no talent, and they look like fags. What the fuck happened to Mickey Mouse? Now all we have is Hannah Montana, and those homos.
by MegaPickle March 14, 2009

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