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52.
Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.

The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.

When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.

The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.

Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.

The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.

Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
by trust me, you dont want to kno August 21, 2008
 
8.
some bubble gum pop band that came from my hometown of wyckoff new jersey. their main fan base consists of girls between ages 9 - 19. nick is the only one that has any talent. even though they are considered by many (and by many i mean teenage girls) the best thing since sliced bread, they are not even that good. metallica is way better.
group of girls: omg the jonas brothers are so hot. they are all so sensitive and not afraid to show their emotions.
weird guy: omg i know
group of guys: gay
by tij April 06, 2008
 
9.
JONAS BROTHERS =

1. They actually like men, but weren't ever attractive enough to attract decent men, so they though HEY LETS PEDOPHILE 12 YEAR OLD GIRLS.
YAY.
2. They're ugly because their parents were cows.
3. They say they're Christian, but really they're Amish. SHH, SECRETS.
4. They've actually gotten blowjobs, handjobs, and got their vaginas fingerbanged by their 12year old fans.
5. Cockroaches write their music.
6. They fucked Walt Disney's dead body, and that's why Disney allows them on their channel.


THANK YOU :)
JONAS BROTHERS :
1. NICK : Damn, I wish we could be gay.
JOE : BUT WE'RE UGLY :(
OTHER BROTHER : HMM, 12 year olds are hot these days.
All : YAY.

2. ALL THE BROTHERS: HEY MOM AND DAD.
MOM AND DAD : MOO.

3. NICK: OH NO, THIS GIRL TOLD ME TO CALL HER! BUT IM AMISH.
JOE : OH SHIT.
NICK : plus buy me condoms, cause im 14 and need them.

4. NICK : OOH BABY.
12 YEAR OLD : I DONT KNOW HOW TO SUCK DICK BUT I LOVE YOU.
JOE : SUCK ME TOO.
OTHER BROTHER : FINGER BANG MY VAG.

5.COCKROACH : I WRITE THEIR MUSIC.

6. WALT DISNEY : OOH BABYYY.
NICK, JOE, OTHERGUY : DAMN YOU'RE TIGHT.
DISNEY PEOPLE : ROFL. YOU'RE IN.
by YOUR MOM SUCKS JONAS DICK. July 13, 2008
 
10.
A band consisting of three brothers who go on homo-erotic, technicolor adventures together.
The Jonas Brothers are a terrible band.
by The Ginger Ninja July 11, 2008
 
11.
overrated american boyband consisting of 3 brothers called joe,kevin and nick.
females from 1-100 adore them for their sex appeal obviously(which by the way is...where?)
stole songs from busted,year 3000,what i go to school for and retouched it a million times without the band's permission.
The songs that the jonas bros actually do own which are about 5 out of 500 all sound the same and have the same theme:girl problems.
not that we haven't heard that before,right?
seriously,if you love the jonas bros,love em ok? but you've gotta see that they are a marketing product from disney and realise that sooner or later one of them's about to show their true colours,like ending up in rehab or drug scandals coming.
fan:omigod! i love the jonas brothers,they are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hawt,and talented,and cute,and goodlooking and talented,and oh my god,I'm so gonna marry nick.
by PoshT July 30, 2008
 
12.
Rising Disney whore band that attracts millions of overly obsessed 7-19 year old girls who treat them like they're GOD. They are not God, they're a bunch of faggot ass bastards who don't know real music and wear skinny jeans.

These hairy-lipped cuntbags had to suck cock to get where they are now. Poor Walt Disney is surely rolling over in his grave right about now. Good thing he's DEAD so he doesn't have to HEAR their music or SEE his beloved Disney SPIRALLING down a toilet.

This definition is most likely going to be rejected by a JoBlow die hard fan, but you know what? FUCK YOU IT'S MY OPINION. FREEDOM OF MOTHERFUCKING SPEECH, YOU TOOL!
OBSESSIVE FANGIRL: Liek omg! OMG JONAS BROTHERS CONCERRT ZOMG I HAS TICKETTS!
Me: Wow, what has our world come to? *shakes head and walks away*
by Respedeutsch August 27, 2009
 
13.
Butt Fucking Gay
When Timmy put his scrodom into another mans ass, John was like, "Dude that was so Jonas Brothers".
by Aron Lauenstein February 11, 2009
 
14.
A canned band with the brand of disney.
They don't sing, they don't play the guitar, they walk around the stage and sometimes dance and jump up and down. Here's the big question. When everyone is jumping around and neglecting their instruments, where's the music coming from.
(PROTIP: Not them)
Also, purity rings? Give me a fuckin' break.
9 YO girl: I love the Jonas Brothers.
Me: I know, it's really not your fault at all. Blame Disney for getting at you before your mind's fully matured.
by Anonymous1245 July 10, 2008