An ancient Philosopher and possibly savior who had a pretty decent message while alive- be nice, forgive, help those less fortunate than you. Very little is known about this man's personal life because he never wrote down anything so far as we can tell, and the four friends of his who wrote stuff about him did so decades after he whipped, humiliated, stabbed, nailed to a cross shaped object, and eventually died from the agony. Had twelve close followers one of whom betrayed him, plus a whole pack of deciples including his mother and an ex-prostitute who may or may not have been his wife. Actually may have also been attempting to start a jewish rebellion against the roman imperialist dictators, though this was probablye editted out of the scritures to make Romans convert. His early followers were a pretty nice bunch cosidering that they were skinned alive, tied to poles and shot full of arrows, whipped, stoned, crucified upsidedown, and made into human cat food in the colliseum with lions. His later followers sadly were homicidal nuts and began slaughtering innocent Jews and Muslims, and occasionally each other. This started to change around the 1900's, and was almost perfectly reformed by the 1970's with Jesus Christ Superstar
when sadly a group of vile liars calling themselves undamentalists distorted his image into a hate mongering fanatic, causing comunist govts. like North Korea to ban him and turning many people away from him. The fact that some of his closest followers raped altar servers and that his name was attached to Jacko's "Juice" probably pissed him off. If alive today, he'd be chillin in jamaica with stoners or playing in the NBA as Steve Nash and MLB as Johnny Damon. Oh wait, he is. And he'd shut up Creed for good.
Jesus- Do unto others as you would have them do unto your self
Crackpot Televangelist- Um, that means give me your social security money. And while you are at it, lynch a gay man or two. yeah, that's it.
word of the day: March 31, 2013
Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians
Jesus:be nice to others.
The dude who mows my lawn.
Jesus, you missed a spot.
A pretty cool guy whose reputation has been run down by his horrible fan-club.
Used by the said fan-club as an excuse to do whatever they decide is “right.”
Dude: “Hey! What the hell are you doing to my car???”
Other dude: “Jesus’ will.”
The light of the world, the one who came and died on the cross to forgive us of all of our sins. There is a religion based on that, called Christianity.
Jesus is the light of the world. Read John 3:16.
Jesus lived a really long time ago in the Holy Land. He taught a lot of people to be nice to each other. He told stories, called parables, to help people understand about heaven and how they should live. A bunch of guys called Pharisees thought that he was dissing God by calling himself God's son (they called it blasphemy), so they plotted to kill him. One of Jesus' closest friends helped the Roman soldiers capture Jesus for about 12 bucks. The Romans were fair about it, though, and gave the people of Rome the choice to free either Jesus, or a guy who was thrown in jail for murder; they chose to free the murderer.
Jesus was publicly humiliated in front of loads of people, and was nailed to a cross. Even when all this had happened, he still asked God to forgive everybody for treating him like a criminal.
Jesus was one of the most influential men in history. Our modern day calendar is based on his birth. About 30% of the world's population hail Jesus as God. They say he performed many miracles and even came back from the dead. The Christian religion states that Jesus died for the forgiveness of sins, and that even if you are a terrible person in this world, as long as you believe in him as Christ, you will be forgiven and will go to heaven.
Even if you don't believe Jesus is the Messiah, you've got to admit, he was a pretty cool guy and inspired millions of people to be nicer.
Jesus says, "Love that guy that trash-canned you back in 9th grade
The guy who came and died on the cross to pay the debt of my sins.
In the court...
Judge: Danapal, you have a debt.
Danapal: Yes,I am sorry, it won't happen again.
Jesus walks in and hands the judge the money I owe.
Danapal: Thank you Jesus!
1. Jesus is a Hebrew name, which means "the Lord saves."
2. He is believed to be the "Messiah"(or Ha-Mashia) that had been foretold and written by the prophets in astounding accuracy from birth to death and resurrection on scrolls thousands of years before it came to pass. Jews do not believe Jesus as the Messiah and are still waiting for the Messiah to come. Three major books that Jews and Christians read are the books of the Law (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im), and the Writings (Kethuvim). The two groups disagree because Jews are waiting for a ruler to come and be enthroned as a ruler forever according to II Samuel 7:16: "Your house and your kingdom will endure forever." It was nearly unimaginable for anyone at that time to even think a Messiah would die in a death sentence shamefully stripped naked amongst the criminals. It's, however, written in Isiah: "he was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter... he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."
3. Jesus Christ is NOT the first and the last name. Christ means the "Anointed One" - Aramaic word for Messiah. Jesus is the Christ, the Anointed One. Long ago, Israel had three offices that were anointed. They were the priests, prophets, and the kings. Therefore, Christ is the ultimate Anointed One who who's had all three functions: 1) Priest= ...