performing analingus with lipstick (Jersey Girl) and then sucking on protruding fecal matter
"I got a bad case of parasites after giving that girl a Jersey Turtle."
A Jersey Turtle is an annoying and vaguely Soprano-esqe pest that crawls out of the armpit of the United States, New Jersey, and infests 'quaint' and 'resort' towns throughout the state of Vermont. As soon as the snow hits they come up from hibernation to 'hit the slopes, dude!' The most common location for a Jersey Turtle to be spotted is along USRT.4 heading from New York state into Rutland, VT.
Most Jersey Turtles are large oversized SUVs including (but not limited to): Suburbans, Hummers, Tahoes, Lexus', and rarely a Land Rover. Expect to see various items of ski/snowboard gear to be strewn across the road as well... this is the telltale sign that a Jersey Turtle has been in the area.
"Oh crap, is that a car in the median?"
"Nah, it's just a Jersey Turtle."
"Ah, ok... they should learn to drive"
"Sure, but then what would they replace the drives licenses with in the vending machines?"