Buddy: Why do you look so happy, you have a sausage gut and you just found out your girlfriend was cheating on you with all your friends.

Guy: At least I was smart enough to use a jimmy-hat and dumped her ass before she got preggo with a bastard child. And, things could be worse. I could be stuck in a love triangle with a gay midget and a tranny Hulk Hogan lookalike.

Buddy: Somebody's been getting his Jerry Springer therapy...

Guy: Works wonders...