Top Definition
A group of people who's faces are flat from getting doors slammed in their faces.
Jehovah's Witness: Ouch, my face feels like Kansas.
by slatte November 09, 2006
A cult in the guise of a sanct of Christianity that uses brainwashing techniques to control the weak-minded, claiming to be the true prophet of God in their Watch Tower/Propaganda magazine. They don't celebrate holidays or even their own birthdays, and are discouraged from post-secondary education (i.e. college / university). This, obviously, is to leave future generations without the capacity to actually think and do a little research before they commit their lives to this mockery of a religion.

It's hard to believe that people still join this cult, which claims to be the true prophet of God, despite having falsely predicted the apocalypse at least six times since 1914. They have also changed their interpretations of the Bible and their doctrines, and sometimes even changed them back to what they read originally, and then back to the revised ones again, and (albeit rarely) back again to the original. What kind of prophet would be so indecisive?

The cult was started by someone who knew nothing of religious doctrine, and nothing of the original languages of the Bible. They claim that their translation is the one true translation, and that all others are the work of Satan.

They believe that governments are the work of Satan, and therefore do not vote, or even stand for their country's national anthem. They are also forbidden to salute their nation's flag. The Jehovah's Witness associated with Hitler against the Jewish people, and of course deny it. They also publicly renounce the United Nations, although secretly they had a strong relationship with the UN, but that was over as soon as the public found out.

And last but certainly not least, their widely criticized denial of accepting blood transfusions is the source of the most controversy. It isn't enough for the higher members of the cult who are aware of the fact that it is a cult to lead weak-minded people along a false spiritual path; they cause the deaths of so many people, especially children. Of course the children don't want the transfusions, they've been taught their whole lives that it is wrong by their parents. But the whole idea that “eating blood” is the same as a blood transfusion is ridiculous. The “don’t eat blood” scripture is the basis of the Jewish peoples’ Kosher laws. It’s one thing for a person of a mature age to condemn one’s self to death, but when a child is brainwashed his whole life into believing something ridiculous without knowing all the facts, that can never be justified by any scripture in any Holy text.
An eight year old girl, with her whole life ahead of her, was condemned to death the day her parents became members of the Jehovah's Witness cult. Had she recieved a simple blood transfusion, she would have survived. Had her parents not kidnapped her from the hospital to avoid the transfusion, she would have lived a long and happy life.
by damn johos December 06, 2005
people that are fated to die from simple wounds because they too rubbish to accept blood transfusions
Jo Ho's are rubbish, i mean look at them!
by Tilly January 22, 2005
people who knock on your door to try and get you to join their religion
jahovah's witnesses are fucking anoying, the only religion i want to join is the do what you fucking want religion
by the fresh prince January 30, 2005
A religious organization. It manifests many cult-like traits like all religions throughout history. Most hated by the common people for their tendency to spread their version of the bible to everyone, at any time. However, the JW is a rather docile and pleasant creature when their unrelenting urge to save all humanity is overlooked. They almost always travel in flocks of two or more.

Their closest cousin in behavior is the Mormon, although a JW is harder to get rid of and harder to catch off guard as they spend an average of three to five hours a week studying the bible and its related subjects.

As with all religions they have their own ideals, beliefs, practices and have been persecuted throughout history by all manner of peoples including such famous oppressors as Adolf Hitler and the Catholics.

Suggestion from an ex JW: When faced with a Jehovah's Witness pretend to be devotely Satanic and do not accept literature of any kind, no matter how small. Be extreme with the satanism, almost to the point of violence.
Close the curtains, that's a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses coming!
by Sarah the Shunga Bunny September 23, 2005
Sexual position where a man has intercourse with a female in an apartment building up against a hallway or door.
After I left the bar with that chick, we went back to my building and I gave her a Jehovah's witness on the 4th floor.
by johnniebaltimore February 06, 2007
A F****D-up "religion" in which annoying people knock on your door and talk about their cult. DO NOT SUBMIT TO THEM. Their "religion" disposes of all holidays because they are "satanic" and blames other religions for faults in the world. They believe that they are the true Christians and that everyone else is crazy. (Yeah Right). They also believe that innocent little children going to Sunday School are working for the devil.
Jehovah's Witnesses are MORONS and are to STUPID realize that it is THEM who are working for the devil.
by Q January 15, 2005
A Christian Religion that takes its name from the Bible book of Isaiah, meaning to be witnesses of Jehovah. Known worldwide to preach to others in various settings, most commonly at the doors of homes and businesses. Considered a cult by many, also rumored not to believe in Christ. Yet since they use the entire Bible, and base all their beliefs in the scriptures, it could not be logical that they would not believe in God's son.
The Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door today, they wanted to share a scripture with me and give me Bible based publications.
by Marcus Poleus, Porn Star January 09, 2005
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