A cult in the guise of a sanct of Christianity that uses brainwashing techniques to control the weak-minded, claiming to be the true prophet of God in their Watch Tower/Propaganda magazine. They don't celebrate holidays or even their own birthdays, and are discouraged from post-secondary education (i.e. college / university). This, obviously, is to leave future generations without the capacity to actually think and do a little research before they commit their lives to this mockery of a religion.

It's hard to believe that people still join this cult, which claims to be the true prophet of God, despite having falsely predicted the apocalypse at least six times since 1914. They have also changed their interpretations of the Bible and their doctrines, and sometimes even changed them back to what they read originally, and then back to the revised ones again, and (albeit rarely) back again to the original. What kind of prophet would be so indecisive?

The cult was started by someone who knew nothing of religious doctrine, and nothing of the original languages of the Bible. They claim that their translation is the one true translation, and that all others are the work of Satan.

They believe that governments are the work of Satan, and therefore do not vote, or even stand for their country's national anthem. They are also forbidden to salute their nation's flag. The Jehovah's Witness associated with Hitler against the Jewish people, and of course deny it. They also publicly renounce the United Nations, although secretly they had a strong relationship with the UN, but that was over as soon as the public found out.

And last but certainly not least, their widely criticized denial of accepting blood transfusions is the source of the most controversy. It isn't enough for the higher members of the cult who are aware of the fact that it is a cult to lead weak-minded people along a false spiritual path; they cause the deaths of so many people, especially children. Of course the children don't want the transfusions, they've been taught their whole lives that it is wrong by their parents. But the whole idea that “eating blood” is the same as a blood transfusion is ridiculous. The “don’t eat blood” scripture is the basis of the Jewish peoples’ Kosher laws. It’s one thing for a person of a mature age to condemn one’s self to death, but when a child is brainwashed his whole life into believing something ridiculous without knowing all the facts, that can never be justified by any scripture in any Holy text.
An eight year old girl, with her whole life ahead of her, was condemned to death the day her parents became members of the Jehovah's Witness cult. Had she recieved a simple blood transfusion, she would have survived. Had her parents not kidnapped her from the hospital to avoid the transfusion, she would have lived a long and happy life.
by damn johos December 06, 2005

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Top Definition
A group of people who's faces are flat from getting doors slammed in their faces.
Jehovah's Witness: Ouch, my face feels like Kansas.
by slatte November 09, 2006

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The name of a religious cult who get brainwashed by mind control techniques into believing that their interpretation of the Bible is better than anyone else's.

It was started by some idiot that got this vision of the world coming to an end in 1914. When 1914 came and went, he then managed to pursuade his flock that it would happen in 1942. When 1942 came and went, well let me put it this way... Anyone who would even think about joining this cult is mentally ill to begin with.

They publish some toilet trash called the Watch Tower and are also known as the Watch Tower Society and JWs. In 1933 their leaders conspired with Hitler against the Jews. Several of their top members were thrown in jail for committing fraud, larceny, sexual deviant acts, etc. But somehow the cult manages to go on. Go figure.

If a member deviates in any way from their way of life all other members are required to scorn them. This is just one of their many mind control techniques.

But the worse thing about JWs is that every year hundreds of children die because these geniuses think that "Thou shalt not eat blood" refers to life saving transfusions instead of becoming a vampire.
Jehovah's Witnesses are the "False Prophets" that God refers to in the Bible. When one comes to your door, just give them a copy of the letter their leaders sent in support of Hitler and tell the bigots to fuck off.
by Alfie The Horndog August 10, 2005

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The perfect example of why not to open the door to strangers.
I almost wished they were serial rapists when I found out I had opened my door to 2 Jehovah's witnesses.
by s0x0r September 07, 2005

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Students of the Bible who preach the "Kingdom of God." They claim that their God--Jehovah--is using Jesus Christ to bring an end to the world as we know it.
One of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door, shared a scripture, and offered me a Watchtower magazine.
by Mack C January 14, 2007

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A person who, despite all efforts to make them stop, refuses to stop calling, showing up, or otherwise attempting to make contact with another person.
After I dumped her, she went all Jehovah's Witness on me.
by SabineLaGrande June 08, 2004

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A rare breed, they usually travel in groups. They can be found roaming through neighborhoods standing on the doorsteps of homes. In the event that you see a Jehovah's witness follow these steps. Close the curtains, shut off the tv, and hide. The jehovah will then proceed to ring your door bell, stay calm dont make any sudden movements, this will enrage the witness but they will soon leave, but watch out they still may be watching.
Jeff: o shit hide the Jehovah's witness are coming

Jehovah's witness: "ding dong"..........those MOTHER FUCKERS!

Bob: that was a close one.
by Avalache2121 July 11, 2008

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A bunch of rats who insist on forcing their religious beliefs on the general public at all costs, including harassment.
A whole bunch of Jehovah's Witness freaks woke me up on my day off last week, what a bunch of subversive losers!
by Piranha April 24, 2006

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