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55.
The 144k sequestered Witnesses testifying in the longest trial in history. They're not supposed to talk about the trial but can't help themselves and won't shut up about it. At the kangaroo courthouse the defense will Cross-examine the hostile Witnesses and then call the Methodists to the stand to discredit all of Jehovah's Witnesses. Whether Kato Kailin is to testify is still uncertain, nonetheless, the trial is expected to wrap up around the year 3030 with Judgement Day sometime in April, however the JW legal team will almost certainly appeal the decision and demand a re-trial.
Headline: "Christmas Cancelled Again!! Persecution to call Jehovah's Witness #133,411 next week." also: "Jehovah's Witnesses Watchtower leaflet discovered in chambers - Judge Judy to Step Down"

In Other News: "Muslim Jihadi explodes onto the scene, siezes the lead in the race to heaven - #144,001 enters Pearly Gates as Donny & Marie's bicycles are damaged by mysterious bombing excommunicating them out of the race - Utah outraged."

Politics Today: "Burning Bush singes eyebrows during pagan oil and fire ritual and false idol worship of wealth and power"
by Russ & Linda August 18, 2007
 
1.
The name of a religious cult who get brainwashed by mind control techniques into believing that their interpretation of the Bible is better than anyone else's.

It was started by some idiot that got this vision of the world coming to an end in 1914. When 1914 came and went, he then managed to pursuade his flock that it would happen in 1942. When 1942 came and went, well let me put it this way... Anyone who would even think about joining this cult is mentally ill to begin with.

They publish some toilet trash called the Watch Tower and are also known as the Watch Tower Society and JWs. In 1933 their leaders conspired with Hitler against the Jews. Several of their top members were thrown in jail for committing fraud, larceny, sexual deviant acts, etc. But somehow the cult manages to go on. Go figure.

If a member deviates in any way from their way of life all other members are required to scorn them. This is just one of their many mind control techniques.

But the worse thing about JWs is that every year hundreds of children die because these geniuses think that "Thou shalt not eat blood" refers to life saving transfusions instead of becoming a vampire.
Jehovah's Witnesses are the "False Prophets" that God refers to in the Bible. When one comes to your door, just give them a copy of the letter their leaders sent in support of Hitler and tell the bigots to fuck off.
by Alfie The Horndog August 10, 2005
 
2.
A group of people who's faces are flat from getting doors slammed in their faces.
Jehovah's Witness: Ouch, my face feels like Kansas.
by slatte November 09, 2006
 
3.
The perfect example of why not to open the door to strangers.
I almost wished they were serial rapists when I found out I had opened my door to 2 Jehovah's witnesses.
by s0x0r September 07, 2005
 
4.
Students of the Bible who preach the "Kingdom of God." They claim that their God--Jehovah--is using Jesus Christ to bring an end to the world as we know it.
One of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door, shared a scripture, and offered me a Watchtower magazine.
by Mack C January 14, 2007
 
5.
A person who, despite all efforts to make them stop, refuses to stop calling, showing up, or otherwise attempting to make contact with another person.
After I dumped her, she went all Jehovah's Witness on me.
by SabineLaGrande June 08, 2004
 
6.
A rare breed, they usually travel in groups. They can be found roaming through neighborhoods standing on the doorsteps of homes. In the event that you see a Jehovah's witness follow these steps. Close the curtains, shut off the tv, and hide. The jehovah will then proceed to ring your door bell, stay calm dont make any sudden movements, this will enrage the witness but they will soon leave, but watch out they still may be watching.
Jeff: o shit hide the Jehovah's witness are coming

Jehovah's witness: "ding dong"..........those MOTHER FUCKERS!

Bob: that was a close one.
by Avalache2121 July 11, 2008
 
7.
A bunch of rats who insist on forcing their religious beliefs on the general public at all costs, including harassment.
A whole bunch of Jehovah's Witness freaks woke me up on my day off last week, what a bunch of subversive losers!
by Piranha April 24, 2006