look up any word, like cunt:
 
47.
(v.) the act of sodomizing an unsuspecting homosexual negroid; often results in the contraction of AIDS. When jareding, the perpetrator lures in a pack of niggers with a bucket of fresh KFC. As the apes feast on the chicken, he thoroughly inspects them, searching for the one with the largest, most African elephant dick.

Although penises with piercings and other tribal deformities are preferred, the largest cock will suffice for jareding. Once a suitable porch monkey is selected, he will coerce the creature with pictures of female apes. As the negroid achieves a massive erection, the jareder will sneak up and position his well greased anus above the shaft.

In one swift motion, the perpetrator impales his ass on the cock and rides it like a cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, eventually causing the negroid to ejaculate. In the final step of jareding, the sick fuck will proceed to collect the semen and pour it over fresh chalupas, as he is usually 13 year old faggot Taco Bell fanboy. As he eats the chalupas, the jareder smiles with joy stroking his tiny 2.3" dick to a picture of Jack Bauer, contemplating his next victim.
Blake: My asshole is feeling really tight, you wanna go jared tonight?

Jared: Sure Mr. Locati! I'd love to go, although I call dibs on your freshly made semen-covered tacos, I'm too much of a curly headed fucking jew to pay for Taco Bell! Did I mention I'm gay?
by Von Cockenberg January 02, 2011
 
1.
1.someone who has achieved the mastery of greatness
2.someone you would stride to be like
3.a manifestation of excellence
4.basically the raw-est nigga God could create
Jared is the best

I lost my girlfriend to Jared... oh well

My wife is screwing Jared
by someone with a name April 07, 2008
 
2.
The most amazing boy alive. Best smile, laugh, personality, body,...everything. The total package. Impossible not to fall in love with. After one kiss, there's quite literally no going back. Without a doubt, the best lover I have ever had. Simply put, this boy is perfect.
Jared, is the love of my life.
by Camilio December 06, 2010
 
3.
A man with a legendary sized penis who dresses extremely fly. Usually of Brazilian decent.
1. Damn he must be a Jared!!
2. If only I could be a Jared. Then i could one day be king.
by j silva January 02, 2008
 
4.
A charming, smart, sweet, caring guy, that stole my heart from the first day. Utter blissfulness whenever in his presence..
Jared is the luckiest guy in the world.
by whitskin18 April 18, 2010
 
5.
1. a top notch baller marked by disticnt good looks, a solid A in geometry honors, and man uggs.
2. a passionate capricorn who possesses a blazing love for vanilla icing, the xgames, and rock band.
3. someone amazing.

*also see BEAR
Cara is so incredibly lucky, I wish I could have a Jared!
by JZLOVERRRR February 06, 2008
 
6.
A good-looking, tall, athletic, smart, dorky, and funny guy who is usually an amazing boyfriend but can easily become jealous. He has a good heart and will always be an amazing friend.
"He was like the funnest guy to hang out with!"
"I know! He's totally a Jared."
by AliKali1996 October 21, 2011
 
7.
A really, really hot guy, that I think may like me back. Known each other for a wicked long time.
Flippy brown hair and hazel eyes. HE'S GORGEOUS!!
Wicked nice and the funniest guy you have every met!! <3
"Wow, that guy over there, he's such a Jared."
"I know. How long have you known him?"
"Well I said he's a Jared, so we've known each other forever!!"
by HockeyGrl450 January 26, 2009