Jake was chosen first, over the character of Frodo Baggins, to be the carrier of the 'One Rind' an ancient strip of bacon rind forged long ago by the evil Jewish Necromancer "soups-on Goldstein".
Jake Nolan was quested to take the 'One Rind' to the cracks of 'Mount Pig Scrotum' where he was to cast it into the fiery sperm from once it came. No pun intended.
But alas Tolkien's first print was said to be "Far too Jewish for the public of it's time" and was unfortunately canned by the publishing company before it reached wide scale publication.
Only a few copy's survive of Tolkien's unread masterpiece for telling the heroic adventure of the debatable best protagonist that literature has never heard about, Jake.
Jim - "Just like the One Rind after Jake threw it into Mount Pig Scrotum?"
Carlos - "Yeah exactly"
I love you Jake <3
Well he should be, he's a Jake.
hot chick #2-200988340983409384098304983: YES!!! WE ALL WOULD!
"1....2.... GOD DAMNIT!!!!"