|1.||IB single lady|
To be an IB single lady, you must obviously be without the continuous presence of a male in your life. Hence, single. Every item in the following list defines you:
1. Getting into the best college you can must be the most important thing in your life.
2. You no longer “shotty” boys, you take what you can get.
3. You consider anything with an excess of alcohol or food a “bad decision.”
4. You throw pity partys on a weekly basis.
5. You must always use a voice inflection that sounds like you desperately need whatever it is you are saying to be heard.
6. You use the following vocabulary:
a) Whorecide: pumping oneself up and deciding to bring out weapons of mass deslutation at the next party.
b) Pleasing: the statement that is said after something is very satisfying.
c) I say: statement that is made to reiterate a brilliant idea, i say!
d) Vom: word uttered when something is disgusting, like when two people are hooking up and one or both is unattractive.
e) Dead: used when one has coughed up a lung and died from laughing so hard.
f) Regurge: synonym for "vom," used when a situation is unbearable.
g) Laugh: pretty self explanatory, this is what IB single ladies say instead of actually laughing.
h) Barf: synonym of "vom" and "regurge."
i) Quality: used to describe certain nights with certain people.
j) Hatred: what IB single ladies feel for their lives, especially when whoreicide is unsuccessful.
Bethany: "Don't you just love life?"
Zoey: "No, I'm an IB single lady and whorecide attempt 24953826485 was unsuccessful last night."
Kathy: "The jungle party's tonight. Minimal clothing and cheetah print calls for a whorecide. All these random boys showed up to my party. Pleasing. You're from AFRICA NOT GUYANA, I SAY! The closeted gay kid just hooked up with 3 girls and a dog. Vom. The dog got more action than all of the IB single ladies. Dead. His date is in college and spends her weekends hanging out with us. Regurg. That black kid confused the 'jungle day' with 'heritage day.' Noone knew the difference. Laugh.That girl who resembles a prepubescent boy has a boyfriend. Barf. We told the dumb slut that the cheap bowl she broke was actually a prized family piece from the holocaust. Quality lie. The drunk asian just fell into the door. Hatred."
Gretchen: "Oh you IB single lady."