"I ain't got a f**king clue."
Used in written communication (typically email, SMS) to express uncertainty, confusion or bewilderment - often with an element of frustration. Typically this is a consequence of failure by a third party to provide sufficient information, or total disbelief at how someone could be so completely inept.
Q: What's all this about?
Q: How are we expected to work with this useless software?
Q: How on earth did she land a job as head of department?