2) adjective: A person who's both useless, and a major pain in the ass, in the most obnoxious of ways. They fall beneath the level of "asshole," because an asshole has some function, at least. A hemorrhoid just gets in the way of your life and causes pain for no reason.
2) Jeff is just a total hemorrhoid, that useless shitsack of a dickweed.
But since most people get them it's probably just from having an enormous network of pulsating veins at the end of your poopshoot.