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1.
A semi-famous, very fat corrupt internet movie reviewer who is nowhere near as famous or powerful as he once was. He still gets to live a dream life of being paid to endorse things, being sent comp DVDs and God knows what else, and being flown around the world to visit sets in order to entice him to review things positively so that nerds may spend money on them. His resume includes such hits as turning a blind eye to a contributor selling bootleg Disney movies (who was later busted), praising a script that was actually written by another contributor, and posting (wrong) Oscar nominees hacked from a home computer. Married an Asian chick 15 years younger than him presumably both blessed and cursed by vision problems and a unique condition enabling her to support two tuns of lust whenever the mood strikes the corpulent Casanova. Also is blessed with outspoken opinions on politics, despite having no idea on how the real world works having lived/living with his dad way past an acceptable age and not having an actual job or a degree.
Studio Exec: So, what do you think about Godzilla?

Harry Knowles: It kinda sucked.

Studio Exec: How would you like a visit to our movie shoot in Maui and for us to throw your boy Moriarty a bone?

Harry Knowles: Did I say sucked? I mean it was like drinking chocolate-coated pussy juice!

Studio Exec: ...right.
by ChocolateReign September 13, 2008