Since Christmas provides such a large part of Hallmark's revenue, it feels the need to begin releasing it's prized Keepsake Ornaments in early July, just as most people are finally beginning to put the horror of the previous holiday behind them. Thus, "Almost Christmas" begins, moving smoothly into "Christmas" sometime around mid-October. "Still Christmas" begins directly after New Years and runs until February 14th and often beyond, so "Still Christmas" and "Valentine's Day" often overlap.
Valentine's Day, which is the lesser of Hallmark's insidiously overdone holidays, fills in the gap between Still Christmas and Almost Christmas nicely while still managing to fill the duel purpose of guilting men into showering the objects of their affections with glittery cards, fluffy teddy bears, and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate.
Woman Two: "Nah, I'm not in the mood for Christmas stuff right now."
Woman One: "It's July, I think you're safe."
Woman Two: "Well... alright..."
Sales Associate: *as they walk into the store* "Welcome to Ornament Premiere! All of our new Christmas Keepsake Ornaments have just come out for the year!"
Woman Two: *faints*
Also, a brand invented by some ugly old man, last name Hall, to help get himself in better with the women by sending her candy and goofy little holiday stuff.
Known for inventing such holidays as Valentine's Day, Administrative Professionals Day, Sweetest Day, Friendship Day, Clergy Day, and many many more.
2)That guy named Hall had no idea what kind of monster he was starting when he made the Hallmark store.
3)Let's change Valentine's Day to "Spend Too Much At Hallmark Day". I mean, they made it, right?
Ben: dude... you're such a god damn Hallmark