I see a lot of people moaning (and quite rightly) about the fact that a major company is feeding off little children (and why? Because out of other ages, kids are the most fucking STUPID!) by charging them real money that they probably like had to save up over 10 years on ‘pixels’; I mean, the fact that this place is blatantly Sulake's way of robbing naive little kids makes habbohotel bad enough. But this is in no way what makes habbo hotel such a crock of shit experience. What helps make it so awful? HABBO SOCIETY! Habbo hotel is further made terrible by the simply god-awful people that tend to infest it. 95% of the population on habbo fits into one or more of these categories:
- Either have some unfortunate grammatical disability like dyslexia, or just can’t be arsed to spell properly. “OmFg yOu R SoO FiT”
- Are age 11-16, the section of the population most immature as hell. Quite a number of these are 13 year old girl-prostitutes who come onto habbo because they can’t go out and get into a club, or are too young to do anything hardcore e.g. “Are there any fit BOYZ in here?”
- A peadophile man-child
- An older audience e.g. 18+ (why would anyone this age even come on habbohotel?) But seriously, if you are a 20year old and you are using this website when you could be going out drinking with your mates, then I really do feel sorry for you.
- Geeky ‘Tech KidZ’ who have now taken to modding habbo to get their sexual pleasure, rather than raping their own computers as their usual source. They effectively make an already annoying website even more annoying through the use of flooders, keyloggers ect. “Omg lets hack habbo!1!”
- Are painfully gullible. Habbo 1:”type your passwords and it comes up in stars **** omg it worked!” “Habbo 2: oooh! Ok: rovingdudes2.” Habbo 1: “Omgz I am going to Haxx0r J00 now!” Habbo 1: “Oh shit!” Habbo 1: “ROFL!”.
- Are seeking some kind of sex buddy, judging by the number of people I see running around going "111 if you want to get it on!!!111" "OMFGz why don't we go and CYB3R???1 Ohhh that's in BOBBA me you Bobba! Bobbaing Heck! *cummmmmms*" I mean honestly - IS it any wonder why you're not getting any in real life?
- Suffered from some serious emotional and parental neglect. It never ceases to amuse me just how many adoption agencies there are on this thing. Creepy? I think so? “= My parents didn’t love me. Oooh I know what will be a good idea: To dress like a baby and twalk lwike dwis. Hewwo, will u bwe my dwaddy?”. Hmmm… mentally disturbed after a bout of child abuse? I think so?
- Kids who yet to get into the world of work, and then think by joining a ‘mafia’ or other equally gay place that this actually reflects real life in any way. “OmfGz I got promoted to the rank of a gangsta lord after guarding a door hatch for 30mins! My future looks bright!”
- Join such places of ‘work’ because they are too lazy to get a real job and spend their days sitting on their ass, so they try to mask the fact that they have done nothing with their life or achieved anything. This applies to hobbas – excuse me, sitting staring at a computer, clicking a button to ‘ban’ (Oh noes!) people and visiting rooms just so little habbos can worship you like a God does not account as real ‘work’.
- Yearning for a sense of identity and respect. These are usually the people who start up ‘job’ agencies. They like to disillusion themselves that on an online website, they actually mean something, to contrast with the truth that in real life, they don’t mean shit.
- Suck up to hobbas a pathetic amount. This is physically sickening to watch. Come on, hobbas are just REAL people. In fact they are people who lack the skill to do any work that is more mentally challenging than this. So don’t worship them, pity them.
- Have way too much time, and a lack of friends. If you sit on an online chat website all day on a weekend day rather than opting to go OUTSIDE (:o) somewhere and have fun with your mates, then you surely can’t be very popular. Habbo 1: “Omfg I played habbohotel for a whole day and so didn’t eat or sleep!” Habbo 2: “Omg you are so kewl”
- Have too much money to throw around. There are some really obsessive people on here, who will spend all of their month’s allowance or whatever on their ‘fix’ of fake furniture. There are starving children in Africa for Christ’s sake, anyone who throws their money away on tiny pictures needs to be shot.
- Penalise you for, unlike them, being normal, and, unlike them, not wasting your life and money on imaginary rooms. The amount of times I’ve been abused for not being in ‘HabboClub’ (which people join to try and gain a thread of individuality and to fool themselves into thinking that they are better than everybody else, oblivious to the fact that about 5000 other people have done just that, and so everyone ends up with the same stuff as each other anyway) is hilarious. The number of HC only parties and people who will only give the time of day to other HC people is equally amusing. Habbohotel is pretty much the only place where you’ll be punished for having a bit of common sense.
- Must be blind and/or stupid to think that just because a habbo is ‘attractive’ (note: in a short skirt, black tank top and has blonde hair) that the person controlling the avatar in real life is also attractive. “Omg you are so haaawwwt”. I’ll tell you one thing – the guy you are talking to is probably as ugly as FUCK in real life. This illustration of people’s stupidity is taken a bit further by the introduction of ‘modelling competitions’. These, by the way, are practically impossible to win unless you are an HC, because normal habbo clothes are beautiful, but you know… they’re just not quite as beautiful as the “kewl” headphones and pirate patches you can get when you are HC….
- Plain bastards who are very proud of the fact that they’ve spend 5 years on habbo, and so have had a lack of a social life for five years, and so proceed to treat everyone else like shit. The amount of people with incredibly high egos calling others ‘n00bs’ or ‘newbs’ just pisses me off. Oh, and it’s likely that you’ll be called a noob if you aren’t in HabboClub… because we all know that provides you with intelligence…
As for the 5% of us who are mature and looking for like-minded people, we’ll eventually come to realise that having an intelligent conversation on habbohotel is next to impossible. We’ll then either
a) Leave habbo after correctly realising just how awful it is.
b) Slap on the face of denial and try to continue with the creepy website that we’ve invested waaaay too much time into.
c) Be psychologically pushed over the edge after being asked “Got any Furni??” too many times, and attempt to commit suicide.
It’s pretty much come to my attention that on the whole, habbohotel is a society for retards. So if you need some attention or just friends because of the fact that nobody cares about you, then go right ahead. Habbohotel loves you :)
(Oh yeah, and I have used this website before. After having left a few eyars ago I decided to sign up again to see if habbohotel had become any less pathetic. Needless to say, it hadn't, and I'd left again within an hour.)
Habbo 1: You’re such a n00b
Me: How’s that? Because I haven’t wasted my money becoming a HC like you?
Habbo1: You’re a n00b
Me: Well, how’s that then?
Habbo1: You just act n00bish.
Me: What’s acting n00bish then?
Habbo 2: ____ IS GAY, ______ IS GAY!!!!!!
And there you have it folks. Don’t get your hopes up