By definition, a green douche is a medically handicapped homosexual who has severe brain damage caused by the utmost caliber of mental retardation. He cannot go 3 seconds without stuffing a cock in his mouth.
It should be noted that green douches experience a severe reaction of a rush of blood towards their genitalia upon acquiring an M203 Grenade Launcher, Energy Sword, or Sniper Rifle.
Several severe AI bug is affecting all green douches:
Upon being killed by an enemy, they are known to keep attempting a frontal assault at the enemy's last known location until the game is over or the enemy runs out of ammo. While this is most likely due to the brain damage, their AI claims this is due to "hacks" and insists the killer is also homosexual.
Another AI bug occurs when a friendly calls in a Care Package. This crashes the green douche's combat function and moves them from their position, A, to drop-location B, linearly. Green douches will walk through front lines, minefields, sentry guns, or even into bottomless pits in line segment AB to steal the friendly package.
A global AI bug occurs universally in games among green douches of any game when there is any item labeled a "sniper rifle.” Green douches will equip, team-kill, or rage quit a game until they get a sniper rifle. It is not uncommon for a herd of the entire team except you to thus be camping.
The green douche just jumped off the map to steal my care package which was shot down off the map. That was the third time he jumped to his death now.
Why is the game lagging? Oh, there's a green douche on our team from Uzbekistan who has 1 red bar. He's 0 for 100 and trying to snipe with a silenced auto shotgun.
Hang on, I just received a message. It was from someone in the last game on our team. I can't understand him though, it sounded like he was gurgling sperm and I think he was trying to ask me out but I'm not interested in homosexual relationships like he is.