The love child of Pluto and Uranus, a special little planet by the name of Glipnar was abandoned during the pie and cake war that ravenged the galaxy during the Pieizoic Period. But Glipnar was no ordinary baby planet. Glipnar had a special power. He was able to make the most awesome apple pie cookies this side of the milky way. When certain intergalatic villians found out about Glipnar's special cookie making skills, Flarb, the ugliest, smelliest, cake loving villian of them all plotted an attack to kidnap Glipnar and make him produce cupcakes to feed his evil cake army. After Pluto was exiled from the universe, and Uranus had major damage from gas bombs during a major cake and pie battle, Glipnar was finally stolen for ransom by the evil space pirates.
Upon hearing about the evil deeds of these space pirates and Flarb, two superheros were called to save this baby planet and set Glipnar back to his rightful place in plantary history. Captain Awesome, a handsome dashing superhero who could photoshop like no ones business, and Starscream, a charming sharpie welding femme fatale, headed up the plans to not only save Glipnar, but to distroy the evil Flarb and annihilate the Cake Army. Secretly being members of the Pie Army, they searched the galaxy high and low for any sign of Glipnar.
Upon discovering Glipnar's whereabouts, they hatched a plan to break into the Cake Army's fortress and save Glipnar before he could be used for evil cake experiments. After dodging guards and using stealth-like moves to avoid the onslaught of huge cake army buffoons, they finally reached Glipnar, who was housed deep in the fortress. Upon seeing the two superheros, Glipnar jumped for joy and much love went around. Captain Awesome informed Glipnar that his parents were ok, but there was no time to lose. Starscream kept watch as Glipnar and Captain Awesome went over the escape plans that Starscream herself had drawn out with a fine tipped Sharpie. After everyone was on the same page, they headed to their first stop, which was the fortress kitchen to make some ammo... otherwise known as apple pie cookies. Being careful to avoid the guards, Glipnar got to work producing the cookies, while Captain Awesome drooled in anticipation. Starscream thought up a great idea that a crumb topping should be used to increase the damage to the Cake Army. Captain Awesome liked this idea very much and batted his eyelashes at Starscream many times. ^_^
After the cookies were made, and the ammo was set, they set out to distroy the great cake in the center of the fortress... a circular hall which held the MasterCake... a weapon so powerful, that when used to full capacity could take over the galaxy and be used as a mind control device that could prove distastrous. Captain Awesome planted the cookie explosives around the base of the cake while Starscream watched for any activity. Glipnar clung to Starscream, as he was a frightened little planet, and missed his mommy and daddy.
Finally, the weapons were set, and Captain Awesome set the timer. The detonator was set to go off in 5 minutes time. Starscream already had an air craft waiting near the kitchen's back door in the hover port. All they had to do was avoid one hallway of guards and KA BOOM!, the fortess would be toast. As they left the cake and raced away, cookies in hand back to the kitches, they felt a rush of relief as they were making good time. As Starscream swung open the kitchen door, to their shock there was Flarb and some of his croonies! Captain Awesome swung into action, tossing cookies left and right. Chaos broke out as Starscream pushed Glipnar out of the way of the line of fire and began dodging little deadly cupcakes. One hit her leg, and as she slumped to the ground, Captain Awesome cried out NOOOOOOO....... and pulled a secret arsenal of fresh, piping hot apple pies out of the oven... ones he had secretly baked after watching an episode of Sam the Cooking Guy. Starscream looked on in shock and delight as Captain Awesome hurled those pies, one after the other at a terrified Flarb. As if in slow motion, the pie hit Flarb's face and he began to melt into a huge, cinnamon smelling puddle of goo. The other croonies of the Cake Army fled in terror. Captain Awesome then ran over to Starscream to inspect her wound. She began to grow weak as she looked into Captain Awesome's eyes with a sad, farway look. A tear streamed down her cheek as she felt herself fading away. Please, he pleaded as he held her... hang on, we are getting out of here. I am not leaving you... my partner in crime... and he held Starscream to the hover port, with Glipnar close behind and the computer announced that the fortress was going to self destruct in 30 seconds. Captain Awesome struggled and rushed as everyone got on board and he started up the engine. It kept stalling. Beads of sweat began to form on Captain Awesome's brow as he prayed for a miracle. Just then the engine started humming to life, and the lights activated. He revved up the engine and they rose up slowly. He then put the engine into hyperdrive and they sped off from the fortess, and when he looked back, the fortress suddenly burst into a massive explostion, bits of debris flew everywhere, and huge chucks of deadly cake. He turned back, a wash of relief came over him, but his heart began to pound and sink as he looked down at Starscream, who was growing weaker by the moment.
Captain Awesome set the space ship into automatic and leaned over her, gently caressing her face. He felt his eyes burn and his throat tighten as he saw her slipping away. Glipnar, who had his eyes closed this whole time, suddenly started to glow. Captain Awesome tore this eyes off Starscream and looked on as Glipnar's glow began to increase into an almost blinding state. Captain Awesome shielded his eyes as Glipnar reached down to Julie and the smell of the best apple pie ever came wafting from the glow. Captain Awesome looked down at Starscream's wound. It began to close itself up at a miraculous rate. She began to look revived as a cool burst of air was shot out, and her hair started flying about her face, then a huge crackle sounded, and the glow filled the whole ship. Starscream opened her eyes and smiled at Captain Awesome. They embraced in the glow that Glipnar emmitted and they held on to each other as Glipnar slowly began to return to normal.
After thanking Glipnar and telling him how awesome he was, they all set off to take him back to his parents, who were now reunited. As Glipnar ran off to his parents, who cried out in joy, Captain Awesome held Starscream's hand and squeezed it gently. She squeezed back. They both knew everything was going to be ok.
And as the planets awarded them medals of honor for their bravery, a grand banquet was held in their honor. All drinks had twisty straws and apple pie was abundant. Captain Awesome and Starscream sat at the head of the table and waved to the masses with huge grins on their faces, their cheeks hurting.
After all the festivities, Captain Awesome and Starscream headed outside in the cool night to gaze at the stars. Starscream smiled as she caught Captain Awesome inspecting his medal with his monocle. He looked up a bit embarrassed as he took her hand and they sat on a moonstone. She put her head on his shoulder and as they gazed out over this starry expanse, endless in its possibity, they both looked over at each other and smiled, their eyes twinkling with the reflections of the stars. The whole universe was out there, just waiting to be explored.
And they had only just begun.
Glipnar, you are one awesome little planet!
by Captain Awesome & Starscream June 12, 2008