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10.
Perhaps one of the finest comedians that ever lived, George Carlin defined the word counterculture as we know it today. Pushing the First Amendment as Lenny Bruce did, Carlin always had something to say and if you were easily offended by what he said he would advise you to "GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE". I hope the First Amendment didn't w/ him. I will miss Georgie Porgie…
Most people are not particulary good at anything. George Carlin

If acting was hard for me, I wouldn't do it, it is something that I like to do.

If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

March 1997 We use up words like "spiritual" so fast in this culture. Twenty years ago "spiritual" had a distinct meaning. But now there's a lot of jack-off thinkers who just love to talk about the spiritual. And there is a lot of bogus -- is "bogosity" a word? It should be -- a lot of bogosity in these spiritual seekers. So you have to find another way to express it. I just call it "how I fit.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

I'm not afraid of heights, I'm just afraid of falling from them.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done".

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

by BoredOutofMyMind2 July 10, 2008
250 21
 
1.
Since 9/11, he has been the only stand-up comedian worth listening to. If not for him, we would probably have even less of a first ammendment than we have now. His message has always been that if you dont want to hear something, then you don't have to listen.
Oh beautiful, for-smoggy skies, insecticided grain, for strip-mined mountain's magesty, above the asphault plane, america, america, man sheds his waste on thee, and hide the pines with billboard signs, from sea to smoggy sea
by PhatRyan August 24, 2004
1641 161
 
2.
The comedy king who ccan out-funny ANY comedian that has ever set foot uopn this planet!
They're going to ban the toy guns..AND THEY'RE GONNA KEEP THE FUCKIN REAL ONES!!
by James Lowe May 07, 2004
1132 135
 
3.
Three steps above comedy.
The guy in the Greatful Dead t-shirt and the Fuck You hat agrees with me.
by Simon Says Go Fuck Yourself February 16, 2004
1047 93
 
4.
The funniest man in America. No wait, the world. Not only is he funny, but all of his jokes, rages, and swear words tell the truth. He's a genius, and I salute him.
"We also like bombing brown people! Not because they're terrorists...just because they're brown! Seriously! When did we last bomb white people, when was the last time ANY white people were bombed? Huh? The Germans! And that was simply because they were trying to cut into our action! Dominate the world, BULLSHIT, that's OUR FUCKING JOB! We can't make a decent fucking car, but we can bomb the shit out of your country all right!"

George Carlin is a genius...there's no other way to explain it.
by Fox Mantoek January 27, 2006
734 81
 
5.
The originator of "Truth Comedy," and the One True God
"I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick!"
by the_ruiner June 17, 2004
704 87
 
6.
The funnyest damn person alive today.
"Cheese tits"
by Scratch DJ June 09, 2004
580 126
 
7.
May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008
Most intelligent American that ever lived.
R.I.P, George Carlin.
by DonZabu July 10, 2008
504 56