"Sweet dear Jesus in Heaven, what the fuck is that noise and stank?"

"I...have...*pffft*...a little....*pt*....a....*ftttt*.....problem...with milk products...*pftpt*....."

"You are certainly blasting off a lot of farts. Are you having a gas-elapse-y fit??"

"...*pfffffffffft*....y-y-yeah....oof...*pt*...."