Jerry: What's with you?
Herman: My fiancee just dumped me! She's going for some douchebag with a Mustang and a Ph.D!
Mark: Ow man, that's harsh!
Herman: You know what, forget love! Nobody seems to want to love me like they should, so I'll go love myself! Apparently I'm the only person I can trust in a relationship! (walks away)
(Three Weeks Later)
Doctor: So what seems to be the problem?
Eugene's Brother: It's not me, it's my brother, he refuses to even consider dating girls anymore.
Doctor: Why, is he gay?
Eugene's Brother: No, he says that he refuses to love anyone but himself.
Doctor: Another case of Gaara Syndrome! That's the fifth time this week! (looks around for the patient) Why isn't the patient here?
Eugene's Brother: Apparently you're the guy who whooed his fiancee, and I don't think that murder would help him get over his condition.
Doctor: Ah! That Eugene!