8
When the French win in battle - which they have done, only Americans won't believe it because they're pissy and moronic, in equal measure.
A list of notable French military victories:
Battle of Allia (387 BC)
Battle of Gergovia (52 BC)
Battle of Soissons (486)
Battle of Tolbaic (496)
Battle of Vouille (507)
Battle of Tours (732)
Battle of Pavia (773)
Battle for Paris (885-6)
Battle of Val-es-Dunes (1047)
Battle of Hastings (1066)
Battle of Dorylaeum (1097)
Battle of Ascalon (1099)
Battle of Montgisard (1177)
Battle of Bouvines (1214)
Battle of Morlaix (1342)
Battle of Ardres (1351)
Battle of Cocherel (1364)
Battle of Montiel (1369)
Battle of La Rochelle (1372)
Battle of Chiset (1373)
Battle of Roosebeke (1382)
Battle of Bauge (1421)
Siege of Orleans (1428-9)
Battle of Jargeau (1429)
Battle of Beaugency (1429)
Battle of Patay (1429)
Siege of Compiegne (1429)
Battle of Gerbevoy (1435)
Battle of Formigny (1450)
Battle of Castillon (1453)
Battle of Agnadello (1509)
Battle of Marignano (1515)
Battle of Ceresole (1544)
Battle of Rocroi (1643)
Battle of Nordlingen (1645)
Battle of Lens (1648)
Battle of Dunes (1658)
Battle of Fleurus (1690)
Battle of Beachy Head (1690)
Battle of Landen (1693)
Battle of Denain (1712)
Battle of Fontenoy (1745)
Battle of Roucoux (1746)
Battle of Lauffeld (1747)
Battle of Hastenbeck (1757)
Battle of Carillon (1758)
Battle of Yorktown (1781)
Battle of the Chesapeake (1781)
Battle of Valmy (1792)
Battle of Fleurus (1794)
Battle of Lodi (1796)
Battle of Castiglione (1796)
Battle of the Bridge of Arcole (1796)
Battle of Diersheim (1797)
Battle of Rivoli (1797)
Battle of the Pyramids (1798)
Battle of Mount Tabor (1799)
Battle of Abukir (1799)
Second Battle of Zurich (1799)
Battle of Marengo (1800)
Battle of Hohenlinden (1800)
Battle of Austerlitz (1805)
Battle of Jena (1806)
Battle of Jena-Auerstedt (1806)
Battle of Friedland (1807)
Battle of Tudela (1808)
Battle of Ucles (1809)
Battle of Ciudad-Real (1809)
Battle of Eckmuhl (1809)
Battle of Wagram (1809)
Battle of Medellin (1809)
Battle of Ocana (1809)
Battle of Smolensk (1812)
Battle of Borodino (1812)
Battle of Dresden (1813)
Battle of Lutzen (1813)
Battle of Vauchamps (1814)
Battle of Ligny (1815)
Battle of Trocadero (1823)
Battle of Navarino (1827)
Invasion of Algeria (1830)
Battle of Balaclava (1854)
Battle of Malakoff (1855)
Battle of Solferino (1859)
Battle of Foochow (1884)
First Battle of the Marne (1914)
Togoland (1914)
Battle of Ypres (1914)
Battle of Verdun (1916)
Battle of Vimy Ridge (1917)
Second Battle of the Marne (1918)
Battle of Belleau Wood (1918)
Battle of Chateau-Thierry (1918)
Battle of Amiens (1918)
Battle of Maysalun (1922)
Battle of Koufra (1941)
Battle of Normandy (1944)
Operation Dragoon (1944)
Operation Desert Storm (1991)
Cote d'Ivoire (2003)
by OD Smith July 27, 2008
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9
A sign of the apocolypse
French win a war, the earth is doomed
by Joe December 09, 2003
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10
Early mistake by google that when you typed french military victories it would say No entries did you mean french military defeats.
Student: Search: "french military Victories."

GOOGLE: No entries did you mean french military defeats.
by Bob Marley! January 02, 2008
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11
The french won military victories? No they didn't you dumbass.
by Assholes Inc. September 03, 2003
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12
*Notable* French-only military victories include:

1) The 100 Years War
2) That's it.

The Crimean War doesn't count. Although the French played an important war, the primary players were the British and the Russians.

William the Conqueror of Normandy (William the Bastard as he was then known) was most likely of Celtic or Viking descent, not actually a Frenchman.

Napoleon was actually bad for France, it was worse off after he was finished with it than it had been. At least it was somewhat respectable before. (Although the French people were better off under the psychopath Napoleon than under the incompetent French royalty)

Indo-china...That was as pointless as the American attempt later on.

And Kung-fu Jesus, losing 50,000 troops over fourteen years is better, not worse, than losing 90,000 in less time.
by Rado December 19, 2004
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13
HAHA are we serious? French military victory is just a slang phrase for " retreat!!!!!"
A french soldier says, " god damnit, well never be able to fight the Germans now, all of our tanks treads are all burnt out becuase of going into reverse to much, fuck."
French Tank Commander, "Hey what did u expect, did u see those guys?? they were pointing guns at us!"
by Chris Johnson May 27, 2004
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14
A joke origianating from a photoshop picture of a google search for french military victories returning no matches, implying France is not capable of military victories.


It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses.
Crimean war: France were the first into sevastopol, and Russia surrendered to Paris.

American war of Independance: Cornwallis surrendered his sword to Rochambeau, who politely declined.


Hundred years war: England's early gained ground was taken back in an equal amount of time for it to be taken, and the land that England rightly owned was also taken by 1556.


1066: Superior tactics see France conquer England, and later wales under the Normans and Plantagenets.


Napoleon: Napoleon was indeed French born (not on the mainland though) and domiciled, although his parents were Italian. Accomplished more than Hitler in terms of European domination.

Indo-China: France re-establishes control in a few months, although kills millions of rebels. the United States tres the same and ends up hitting jack shit for fourteen years while seeing 50,000 soldiers die fromt he united states alone (ignoring other countries0. France's army, which was actually a coalition of other nations led by france loses 90,000.
by Kung-fu Jesus July 17, 2004
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