The only country in world history that has a war record of 1-15. With their only war won being the French Revolution, which by a happy chance was a war composed of only French on both sides. Which in theory means that they both lost and won the French Revolution, so if I was an asshole I could say the French have never in history won a legitament war that was against any formidable opponent. By the way, in America if you don't finish first your last. So.....ties don't count.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States Entering the war late -ed.. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
by abuttfuckingweinerlover March 10, 2009
A giant sausage fest.
Weird Faggot: I'm going to France!!!

Smart dude: dude, France is a giant sausage fest
by Damittucker April 26, 2010
A frances is a person who can be seen as argumentative and bitchy
She seems to enjoy arguments, she's definitely a frances
by Moaningcamel June 07, 2014
1) france is a country in western europe that does not speak german and continues to have is own culture thanks to the americans

2) france is a country of defensless people who think they are great until they need help

3) france sucks
i live in france so im a pussy!
by hdag34 September 02, 2009
1) (verb) A legal term: 'to france' someone is when you poo in that person's garbage can. If one cannot poo at the time, rotten eggs, spoiled meat and moldy cheese works just as well. You may also feel free to substitute drawers, lockers, medical cabinets and potted plants for said garbage can.

2) (noun) A place often fought over by European powers throughout history... never associated with victory with the exception of other countries helping it.

3) (adjective) 'french' 'frenchman': to be 'french' involves essentially involves someone getting all their closest friends to join them in a fight against a rival group of friends, then quit when the going gets tough. First used during the latter part of the first world war.
1) Person 1: "Man, Milly's was so lame last night me and Jack franced every garbage can in the house before we left"
Person 2: "Dude, Milly's party is tomorrow"
Person 1: "Even so"

2) Napoleon: "We'll defeat Britain"
Continental Europe: "Shit we're on France's side"

shortly after World War Two broke out:
France: "Sacred-bleu, Je ne sais pas que je peux perdre si vite! but on bright side, that was the best evacuation of the military ever."
Britain: "Maggie! I'm on France's side. Hey US, wanna give a hand?"
US: "Nah we'd rather just sell weapons to everyone for a little while..."
Britain: "Whatever, I guess we'll just wait three or four years until Russia softens the Nazis up a bit"
US: "Too bad Russia's too poor to afford weapons..."

3) We don't hang out with Louis anymore 'cause we realized he was the french guy of the group
by Jon Wonk April 08, 2010
A country that loves to bash America until they need our help taking care of terrorists that they practically invite to their country. Then once we save their ass, they continue to bash us again. They were also known for losing every single war when they weren't lead by Empolean.
If it wasn't for us, France would become Nazi Germany and everyone in France would be speaking German with Hitler as world leader.
by JoeyCentral May 23, 2011
1. western European country located between Germany and Spain

2. known for rich culinary and cultural traditions

3. the breeding ground for anorexic, chain-smoking, cheese-eating monkeys who are condescending and ignorant of personal hygiene

4. the place where Daft Punk originated
guy 1:Ewww!!! Whats that smell

guy 2:France.

guy 1:Makes "scents". (laughs like a nerd)

guy 2: ...
by Polkskeet August 09, 2010
A nation of spineless, intolerant and arrogant bigots. They speak a disgusting nasal language, they change their political views with the season and still subscribes to the archaic religion of Catholicism. They are famous for surrendering at the first sign of danger and are scared of change and cultural diversity. Ironically due to their incompetence and impotency, the muslim and African minorities are beginning to constitute an ever increasing proportion of their population. Look at their soccer team.

The French President is a synonym for hypocrite and his decisions are only motivated by the appeasement of others. First Chirac opposes the Iraq Invasion the Sarkozy Sanctions the Libya invasion.

Contrary to popular belief France is a terrible place to visit on holiday. Their women are not as hot as people claim and lack basic hygiene. Their weather sucks the people treat all English speakers with disdain even if you are neither British nor American. The countryside is not beautiful nor rugged, it consists almost entirely of over-cultivated farmland with a few villages. Their beaches are all overcrowded and their food is mediocre. Only suitable for homosexuals who enjoy looking at art and old buildings.
Gay friend: "Where should I go on holiday? I just want to drink wine, eat cheese and look at art all day."
Straight friend: "Go to France, never been to a gayer place in my life."
by Pyro2 March 31, 2011

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