The only country in world history that has a war record of 1-15. With their only war won being the French Revolution, which by a happy chance was a war composed of only French on both sides. Which in theory means that they both lost and won the French Revolution, so if I was an asshole I could say the French have never in history won a legitament war that was against any formidable opponent. By the way, in America if you don't finish first your last. So.....ties don't count.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States Entering the war late -ed.. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
by abuttfuckingweinerlover March 10, 2009
Slang definition for engaging in sexual intercourse.
"What the actual france man?"
"France you!"
"You francing pig"
"You wanna france tonight?"
by Prellliom September 20, 2013
France a country with a strong cultural backround, and a wonderfuf economy! The wine flows so easy, and the tensions are low, and there is such beauty all around you! French are natural born leaders, and have great military back round, and are currently part of the United Nations. God Bless France!
France is so beautiful all year long!
by softly and tenderly March 08, 2010
Often a very horny girl, she is very ecstatic and can be quite cold if you make her mad. Although she is quite nice at heart and can be honest about her emotions, she is very friendly, but also a crazy bitch and is usually up for any task the guys give her! She is very beautiful and lures guys to her with her amazing body.
Guy 1: How was she?
Guy 2: She was a total frances!
by fanny76342723465 January 11, 2015
An intellectual young and extremely beautiful woman.
Frances is the definition of perfection
by v.p.a.m September 24, 2015
The most ugly person you will ever meet in you life she is mean, crazy, but have the biggest butt you will ever see
Person: Dang........she ugly..... but she got a fat booty
Person 2 : Yeah she must be a Frances
by Beat bopp June 05, 2016
Frances is a kind person, yet a tough cookie! Frances is smart,beautiful, friendly and can make anyone like her. She easily makes friends, and she knows how to fight. She is a total fiyahhhh. Knows how to roast people till they break down crying. An amazing friend who doesn't take bullshit from anyone else. It musically skilled. She is like a diamond one in a million. She knows how to make you smile, and can make these hilarious ass jokes
Frances: Bitch, your hairline on delete, edges completely incomplete 😑

Crowd: ooooooo *says in harmony*
by Missy.Lizaa💞 March 27, 2015
Free Daily Email

Type your email address below to get our free Urban Word of the Day every morning!

Emails are sent from We'll never spam you.