The only country in world history that has a war record of 1-15. With their only war won being the French Revolution, which by a happy chance was a war composed of only French on both sides. Which in theory means that they both lost and won the French Revolution, so if I was an asshole I could say the French have never in history won a legitament war that was against any formidable opponent. By the way, in America if you don't finish first your last. So.....ties don't count.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States Entering the war late -ed.. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
by abuttfuckingweinerlover March 10, 2009
The country that donated the statue of liberty to the US you bunch of ungrateful bastards!
by vive la revolution March 30, 2003
land of the free
home of the brave

A place that free thinking Americans are told they should move to by narrow minded idiots.
In France they are so badass that they eat frogs and snails, the kind of stuff that Americans have to be double-dog dared to eat.
by aqueoustrans January 02, 2005
A firecracker of a little sister.
Frances bitch slapped me again, and I had to tell mom who told me to stop being such a pussy.
by Jazzzinator April 27, 2009
A country in Western Europe that remains a world leader, despite what some think.

Much maligned by other cultures, especially the American and British people: in the latter case, for a historical rivalry over French territory that remained until the sixteenth century, while in the former, for French DOS (denial of support) in the War on Terror. Americans often miss the fact that French troops are right now in Afghanistan, which - last I checked - was part of the War on Terror.

Americans also tend to forget, aside from the Statue of Liberty and ninety percent of the gunpowder and ammunition used in the American Revolution, not to mention that the British first surrendered to Rochambeau and not to Washington, that without the French Paul Revere wouldn't have existed (French father), nor would there actually be an United States beyond the Mississippi River. Nor, in fact, would there exist the tactics utilized during the Civil War (written by a French general).

Americans who lambast France have not yet quite realized that, unlike America, France has been invaded several times over the course of its history, and yet has maintained most of its culture intact. French soldiers were the first to charge into the German trenches in World War I, and without their bravery there wouldn't have been the stalemate that lost the war for Germany. In fact, the top Allied fighter ace for that war, for you Eddie Rickenbacker fans, was French. In World War II, more French soldiers left Dunkirk and Ostend than British Empire soldiers, and it was largely thanks to the French Resistance that D-Day was prepared. Plus, more French soldiers went ashore that day anyway.

Americans have made their contribution to world history. With that secure, some of you need to stop bringing down your oh-so-righteous wrath on cultures who also have done their part.
Leaders of France: Clovis, Charles Martel, Charlemagne, Philip II, Louis IX, Saint Joan of Arc, Louis XIV, Marquis de Lafayette, Napoleon Bonaparte, Dumouriez, Henri Philippe Pétain (although rightly disgraced), Maxime Weygand, Charles de Gaulle.
by The Red-Hatted Plumber May 29, 2006
Don't knock until you've tried, all the negative stereotypes about the French are untrue. They're nice, and clean people. Take my mother for an example. My mother is French and she is clean, nice, respectful, and considerate. You can't base a person on their Ethnicity, you know. We are all Human.
Person 1 - I hate France because it's filled with arses!

Me - Hey asshole, you live in a cardboard box. And besides, how would you know? Get a life.
by Polo. September 28, 2007
Country that America hates but will try to become friends with after the problems with Iraq are over.
Get over it!
by Anonymous July 09, 2003
A country that used to be good friends with america, they gave us troops in the revolution and the Statue of Liberty, we saved France and many of the Jews in france from the Germans in 1944, with the help of British, canadian, australian foces, not to mention French resistance forces

But now we hate eachother, don't know why....whatever happened to "friends help friends out" and when the other friend says no to something we start a propganda campaign, in return the other friends people have anti-american rallies.
by Brian Johnson August 30, 2003
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